The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum - What do you "assign" to the Shire?

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- - What do you "assign" to the Shire? (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=11905)

Watching really good Rugby when the ball is run with not just kicked ... it is just such a great game when played properly.

I assign whoever decided to sell things like rugs with Dragons on them in IKEA. This is A Very Good Thing.

And it even more deserves to go to The Shire because a visit to IKEA is in itself like Frodo's journey...the warehouse section where you try to find the Groett and Tatt parts that you need is Mordor; the towering, bleak shelves which do not contain your needed new chair parts are Mount Doom; and the Cracks of Doom are the greedy checkouts ready to swallow up golden credit cards...here you battle not with Gollum but with the packaging of your heavy Groett and Tatt because the barcode is helpfully (inevitably) on the bottom of a box of super-heavy MDF (which tears as you manhandle it over to find the sinister barcode, thus losing the all-important allen key in the process).

The Field of Cormallen is the hotdog stand on the other side. Bliss. Though you have the Scouring of the Shire to get through with the ridiculous loading bay due to the 'no troilleys in the car park' policy, something that could easily have been dreamt up by Saruman.

This afternoon. It was ridiculously fun.

We had Freshers Fayre and had a cheerleading stall going to try and get people to join which went well, we even got some guys signing up.

Then we did our demonstration which went almost perfectly (and I didn't fall off so that was good) and the American Football lot were cheering us on.

After that the rugby guys came over and started lifting us up their way, so we taught them how to do it our way and they agreed to come stunt with us on Tuesday. It may go slightly better then as they won't be quite so drunk!

But the best part of all was that in the midst of a rainy, dull, cold day the sun came out for the fifteen minutes that we were outside. :D

Getting a journal entry on one of your "Bookcrossing" releases after nearly 3 years. Amazing - it has travelled a hundred miles or so....

Submitting your tax return in time for the IR to do the calculation and 3 months (not hte usual 3 days before the deadline)

A belated respons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinlómien (Post 529447)

I assign summer holiday.

PS. Rune, how do you like the Finnish ones? They're quite... original and I can't say if I like them or not.

They are truly horrible, I actually think they are worse than the English.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rune Son of Bjarne (Post 532912)

They are truly horrible, I actually think they are worse than the English.

Haha, you're surely not the first one to say so.

I assign being tired and happy, the latter for no specific reason.

"Nine-Day Weekends" ~ if you know what I mean.... ;)

I assign 4kg on Echter Dresdner Christstollen coming by post on one totally random Tuesday. I'm not sure what my father decided, but whatever the idea was the surprise was nice. :)

A not so senior moment

I assign senior citizens who know how to deal with Mordor. (And even if this story is apocryphal, it still belongs in The Shire. :D )

Apparently a 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank and the bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times. I didn't see it there, but it was sent to me by someone who believes that no institution should go unrewarded for its customer service.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Most Honorable Denizen of The Shire

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. >From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1 - To make an appointment to see me.
2 - To query a missing payment.
3 - To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4 - To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5 - To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6 - to transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7 - To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8 - To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9 - To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins would be proud!

Going for a long weekend color tour and hitting the colors just at their peak; finding a nice, not too pricey motel; happening upon a curving road we never had been down before, surrounded by maples, oaks, and other trees in full fire of fall color, and it goes on for miles. :)

Visits from relatives - almost all my family's back in the homestate, and it's so nice to see them again.

I assign the end of the daylight saving time. Finally, after half a year, all my clocks are right again. :)

Daylight savings doesn't end until next Sunday, though, I thought? :confused: I hope I'm right...

Folwren- Daylight savings time ends at different weeks in other countries. So you're right...we don't change our clocks in the US until the 4th of November. :)

I assign this wonderful place with all of you very nice people, and going down to my nice quiet room with absolutely no brothers wanting to listen and scratch up your RotK or FotR soundtrack, reading a nice book. Or eating Pierogies eating veggie sausage links and drinking Henry Weinhard's root beer, and watching those PJ LotR movies and yelling at the tv screen for bad or worse.

And playing outside on a warm sunny summer or autumn day, and whacking the boys across the street with my awesome stick...(just wait 'till I can get myself a "Sting"). Or laying on the bright green grass in my front yard in the lazy days of summer break feeling the sun on my face!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Folwren (Post 534924)

Daylight savings doesn't end until next Sunday, though, I thought? :confused: I hope I'm right...

Yep, as Brinniel said, it ends at different dates in different places. It really should be unified internationally. I can tell you from recent personal experience how confusing it can get. :rolleyes:

I'd like to assign a small Peruvian boy who will never know I exist for selling one of my teachers a bag of [knit?] finger puppets an indeterminate number of years ago.

Quote:

Daylight savings time ends at different weeks in other countries.

Aye, and no one told me it was on Sunday, I was very confused. :rolleyes:

But to the Shire goes doctors who don't argue with you but instead accept that you know what drugs you need having been dealing with them for 18 years and that the asthma nurse is pointless so don't try and force you to see her. I like my new doctor.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kath (Post 534960)

But to the Shire goes doctors who don't argue with you but instead accept that you know what drugs you need having been dealing with them for 18 years and that the asthma nurse is pointless so don't try and force you to see her. I like my new doctor.

Sounds like a sensible Hobbit. :)

I assign Lemony Snicket for this book. I don't like holidays. Anybody who knows me knows that. But I just bought two copies of it because it made me happy enough to keep one for myself and mail one off in the morning to an unsuspecting friend. Yep. Hecks yes for witty and erudite (by this I mean "learned or scholarly") children's literature which doesn't shy away from words and ideas of a gargantuan (and by this I mean "very large") nature.

I assign staying up late and getting up late the next morning because there's nothing you need to get up for. Very rare these days. *sigh* :)

Days that are perfect for coats and hats and scarves but don't require gloves, with sunlight and leaves on sidewalks and wind that is cold but doesn't insist you be that way too.

Hot soup for lunch in small establishments with live music. Good company. Good tea.

Pumpkin pie!

Autumn makes me happiest of all the seasons.

I assign reading a good book that is not fantasy. :D

I always seem to read either fantasy books or not-so-good non-fantasy books. Small wonder I read mostly fantasy.

Spending the evening with family members you don't see that often, and having a surprisingly good time considering you know a grand total of 3 people in a crowd of about 20.

Good food!

Coming home - I love travelling but Dorothy was right....

I assign doing something for once on a whim.

I went to the box office to buy tickets for Wicked for Sunday's showing only to find out they were all sold out. I was ready to go home when I ran into a friend and he invited me to sign up for the lottery for tonight's show. And what do you know, I won! So I got two seats for a $20 discount. The last thing I expected to do tonight (a school night) was see a Broadway show...but I did and I had a blast! :cool:

Moving to a climate where fall feels more like late spring or early summer.

Discovering that despite the miniscule size of your college (about 485 students, including grad students), there is still a large enough population of Tolkien fans to include someone who makes movies of The Silmarillion and enough people interested in watching the movies to warrant a Saturday-night showing in the lecture hall.

Unexpected compliments, when even the complimenter doesn't realize what they're doing.

Cheese and crackers, especially when good cheese is hard to come by.

Singing in a chorale.

Learning to sing alto after having spent all your life singing soprano.

Having a Christmas song (or several) stuck in your head.

I would probably send the latter one to Mordor. . .interesting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rune Son of Bjarne (Post 536843)

I would probably send the latter one to Mordor. . .interesting.

Oh, but I love Christmas songs! The ones stuck in my head, anyway. Who wouldn't love Carol of the Bells, for one? :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lhuny

Who wouldn't love Carol of the Bells, for one? :)

Mwahaha...I love Carol of the Bells...I would sing and whistle it at Burger King for hours at a time...hours at a time...

I assign good times at an otherwise crummy job to the Shire. Some of the sweetest memories can be gleaned from those times.

Long holiday weekends spent with friends.

Almonds and cashews.

Marathon games of monopoly.

Summer weather in November

Late-night outdoor conversations.

Watching silly movies well after bedtime.

Pumpkin cheesecake and bacon-and-cheese stuffed mushrooms.

Together with your best friend, being able to install and get a printer working, despite practically being technologically Neanderthal.

Going to a restourant and messing around harmlessly.

The online alarm clock that helped me get up and do my "homework" this morning.

I realised at 3am that I had no other alarm than the one in my phone which I had left at my grandmothers place, knowing that I can easily sleep 10 hours I was quite desperat. . .but then I found the online alarm clock which helped me to get up after only 7 hours.

Handing in one essay and already being 500 words through the other! It won't last, but it's heartening to know I can do it when I really try.

Oh, and chocolate chip cookies. :D

I assign CFL football, we just won the Grey cup and this city was just crazy,in a good way. Everyone gets into the spirit, from little kids to the really old. My boss at work even painted her face for 3 days straight to show her spirit. She now has the stained S's embedded on her cheeks. I like that it is something everyone can share together. Everyone parties hard and no one fights.

I assign still getting lettuce from your garden after Thanksgiving. Sadly, I don't think that will last long.