"It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood, a...beautiful...day...for a...neighbor."
 

Bilbo gives it a go for an open programming spot on the special Rivendell Network...

Elrond: "I'm sorry Bilbo but it's a no-go. You obviously don't have your script memorized if you have to keep looking at it like that, you can barely stay awake for three minutes, &, despite what you say, there's a world of difference between a cardigan & an afghan."

Bilbo reads some news headlines:
'"I'm proud to be evil,” says confused Orc activist'
'Barad-dur offered fire insurance.'
'Helm's Deep isn't so deep.'

OR

Bilbo read Elrond's diary every night. It always got him right to sleep.

Bilbo relaxes, unaware that a small green alien right behind him is preparing to kill.

The real reason Bilbo left the Shire for Rivendell: He did it so that Elrond and he could share there mutual passion for drawing each other.

Bilbo: today i saw a flower, it was a pretty flower, i shall name it Steve, Steve has always been a pretty name for a pretty flower... wait... this isn't my diary! why am i still writing what i'm thinking! Damn this old age!!!

Ian Holm: "'Live long and prosper.' Yes, that's it. Gotta keep in practice for that next role..."

Bilbopatine: Is that you, my young apprentice?

Bilbo confronts his MediCare plan...


~ Aesthete

Bilbo arranges the entertainment for the Council of Elrond.

Bilbo: Right, "During your speech, burst a blood capsule in your mouth, and pretend your lungs have burst." Yeah, they'll all find that hilarious!
Okay, what else? "Ask Elrond to pick a card, and then fire the entire pack in his face, and while he's confused pull his stupid wig off and encourage the other members to laugh at him." Oh they'll all love me! :D

Bilbo peruses the long-forgotten Elrond's Guestbook.

"Elvenkind's Eyebrow Specialists, 379-5049-ME. Elrond, your appointment's next Tuesday.
Anon."

"Daddy, you promised me a pony. Where is it? I want a pony now!"

"Elrond, just get Arwen the stupid pony. She's gone and stolen my horse again! ~ Glorfindel."

"Things we think Rivendell needs more of: ale, mushrooms, hobbit lasses. Thanks for the stay! Merry and Pip xxx"

(Apologies to Gil-Galad)
"Today i saw a flower, it was a pretty flower, i shall name it Steve, Steve has always been a pretty name for a pretty flower..."

"Bilbo, your diary's in the bathroom.
~ Erestor."

Why Bilbo looks old . . .
 

How did Elrond keep Bilbo out of trouble in Rivendell? By giving him a Magic Eye book.

OR

"Dear Diary, Elrond has stolen all my money and possessions: I'm wearing RAGS!"

Bilbo: "And that is why Balrogs haven't got wings!" There, perfect.

OR

Bilbo: Ah! Elrond's secret formula for chocolate lembas!

What comes with age...
 

Bilbo writes: And then the Balrog asked Frodo what it had in it's pocketses...

OR

Bilbo: "'2 + 5'... ooh, that's a toughie. I may have to ckeck the answer book and work it backwards from there."

OR

Elrond: "Bilbo, that books upside-down."
Bilbo: "Well, why is this picture of a bat hanging on the ceiling rightside-up? Oh, wait, that's Aragorn on the ground..."

Bilbo was the only Hobbit that could make his hair shine like a halo.

Bilbo's diary.
 

The Hobbit Diaries (continued)
 

Bilbo finds the Rivendell Book of Youth (as written by Elrond and Celebrian):

~Well, I mixed up Elladan and Elrohir again, but since they cant talk yet, its ok.

~I thought it would be ok for Arwen to babysit Estel. I mean, hes only four years old right now, but puberty will come too soon :p

~I caught Elladan messing around with the phone. He dialed 21 (Ea) and said he wanted to be a dwarf! Jeez, Eru was mad about that.

~The kids and some of the Joneses (they moved here from Lindon recently) were playing house today, and somehow Estel found the Sceptre of Annuminas and started wacking them with it. I took his Mirovur away for a month, and Arwen was crying.

Bilbo: Wow, Elrond never told me he had this sitcom in his House.....
________
OREGON DISPENSARY

Bilbo finds Frodo's secret diary
 

Dear Diary,
Uncle Bilbo was wearing that shawl again today. When will somebody tell him he looks like Grandma Mirabella? It's almost as bad as those dresses Elrond likes to wear.
- Frodo

Bilbo: :eek: :mad:

Bilbo: Hmm..... I need a really nasty name for that Badelia Sackville-Baggins ... I know! Lobelia! ... the little ssspider-woman! Hsss ... my preciousss .... oops! :eek:

Bilbo enjoys his new copy of Documentary and Summary of Tol-In-Gaurhoth.

Bilbo: “Tol-In-Gaurhoth XC...werewolves win...Tol-In-Gaurhoth C...moderator wins!!??”

Bilbo's tried-and-tested sleeping pill: a Physics book.

OR

Bilbo shares an intimate moment with his walking stick.

Bilbo finds a book on Esthetics for Hobbits and reads the section on: How To Wax Ones Feet. :eek:

Bilbo's to do list:

Wednesday = Kill Elrond
Thursday = Steal all his shoes.

As the Sun slowly crept towards the western horizon, Bilbo was to be found on the same bench he had been sitting on that very morning, still pondering that tricky Sudoku puzzle.

Bilbo, using his trusty book as a mantlet and his walking-stick as a battering ram, single-handedly besieges Barad-Dur.

Because he is a Hobbit, naturally, he takes it.

Bilbo, being of the older generation, liked to cunningly conceal his weekly copy of Radio Times in a leatherette binder he bought from the Innovations catalogue in 1974.

Here's a new pic!

Eowyn Pic.

Those novelty cups got boring after a while.

OR

Aragorn: Must... take... eyes!

Eowyn: I hope he's not going to touch me with those gross hands of his.....EEEEwwwww he is *Tear*.

Eowyn: I...I...I love you, Swamp Thing.

Or

Eowyn: Aragorn, I'm sorry.
Aragorn: Why must you go?! I've had no female companionship this entire journey! Well, except Legolas...but he doesn't really count...
Eowyn: I'm sorry...I really need to do this. I must live my dream of being a Middle-Earth Idol.
Aragorn: But...those judges are so mean! *cries*

Eowyn: But Arwen and Galadriel got their own Barbies, and that's even better than action figures. Why don't I get one?

Eowyn: Help! There's a hand creeping up my face but I'm too starry-eyed to do anything about it!

Aragorn wrestles with a zit on Eowyns face.

OR

Eowyn thinks Dunedain are hawt.
________
Hemp Car

Eowyn: Why oh why did I agree to this!? I mean, come on, he's so gross!! I need to find something to take my mind off it. Ummm....Gandalf...uncloaked!? EWWW!!! :eek:

Eowyn: See what I mean? All I did was take one wrong pill and now I'm growing stubble!

Aragorn: I'm sure the person didn't mean to leave their medication lying next to yours... (*thinking* Drat, I must remember to put those Ultra-Speed Beard Growth tablets away properly! Why did Legolas have to accidentally wash the label off?)

Aragorn wasn't known for being subtle

Aragorn: Ewoyn it's not that I don't like you it's just that I don't love you. You're a bit psychotic for me and well to be honest a bit homely. Plus for me I've always had a thing for elvish women. Have you ever noticed how their beauty surpasses mortal in every way! Man, there's no way a mere mortal could compare with such beauty and grace. And now you must understand why I must dump you!


or


Eowyn doesn't take critism well.

Clint from "What Not to Wear": We really need to add some color hear and my what is that awful gown you are wearing. It appears as though you're still in the middle ages.

Miranda Otto: C'mon Peter, how long do I have to hold this pose?!?

Or

His thumb stinks. Or is it the leather? And he wonders why my eyes water...

Eowyn: I'm ready for my mind meld, Mr. Spock.

I cannae do it, Captain!
 

Eowyn: I...I love you King Kong!

Or...

Eowyn: Can you still love me even with this hand growing off my face?
Aragorn: Lemme think...NO!

Eowyn: No...please...I'm scared of reptiles...

OR

Eowyn: I'm NOT the Seer! Promise!

OR

Aragorn: *mutters* I knew I shouldn't have sliced those onions Arwen needed for her onion soup...