Silmaril is a type of margarine.

Why did Merry stab the Witch-King in the calf?

He was blind because insects had flown into both his eyes, so he just hit randomly around himself and was lucky enough to hit the Witch-King.

What happened at the Pelennor Fields?

Stuff happened.

Why did Frodo wear the Ring on a chain around his neck?

because his fashion advisor told him to.

What happened to the Ring?

A giant killer spider ate it.

Why did Beren and Luthien confront Carcharoth with the Silmaril?

It was written in the stars, that they would have a blast if they did so.

Why was Gondolin destroyed?

It was destroyed because of the low amount of pornography that the local newsagency sold.

Someone else can answer your next question. I'll give them 5 minutes, or I'll take it.
Why does Gollum hiss?

He has a problem with his teeth, making it difficult for him to speak.

How did Bilbo get the Ring?

He got it at a pawn shop.

What place did the Witch-King rule?

The pizza delivery shop. He was the quickest pizza delivery boy that ever lived.

What is Minas Tirith?

It was a factory that made rings of power.

Who is Luthien?

She used to sing at the Prancing Pony, until she got bored and got adopted by an Elfking.

What does Morgoth?

He was a moose.

Who is the King of the Mark?

It was a mistaken entry in the Red Book of Wesmarch, the proper sequence as 'The mark of the King'. This was in reference to Aragorn, as he was fond of leaving a little cross mark whenever he went and had a good time.

What was Galadriel's individual messages to the Fellowship?

Mark Anderson. A poor deluded fellow who thinks he's the King of all the Marks in the world.
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Why does everyone have so many names?

She told everyone to keep their noses clean and wear clean underwear.
Question as above.

because, when making a loan in a bank without intention of paying it back, a false identity is good to have in your backpocket.

What did Aragorn do after the War of the Ring?

He went to the mall cuz, he needed a new shirt, cuz he ripped his old one in a battle.

Question:What do Hobbits like to do in there spare time?

Mostly, they go to casinoes and have a swell time, playing for apples. (they have no other currency than food in the Shire)

Who is Arwen?

A stripper in a bar in Bree who throughs out lembas as people walk in the door.

Q: What are Elves?
Q2: What is Mirkwood?

Elves are supposed to be "wise and beautiful," but in reality they're the evil little purple cockroaches that sneak into your house at night and raid your fridge.

Mirkwood was a theme park in Valinor, but then they moved it to Middle-earth and their stock crashed, so they just closed it and made it into a castle for the Elven-king *cough cough* Lord of the Cockroaches *cough*

How was golf invented in Middle-earth (this is a hard one because the real answer is already funny!)

Frodo was holding Sting and he tripped over and hit the ball into the air.

Why was Bilbo called "Mad Baggins"?

Ever since Lobelia tried to take his spoons, Bilbo hasn't been very, well, happy. In fact he's been downright angry. Whenever someones says anything remotely linked to spoons, he cries out, "Lobelia, you make me so mad!" Apparently, someone forgot to tell him that he got his spoons back. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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If Saruman is of many colors, which one was his favorite and why?

His favorite color was red, because he loved strwberries.

What did Saruman do for a living?

Well, Saruman was a very good fortune teller. People gave him insects (he collects them)to predict their future.

What is the Mirror of Galadriel?

A PC flatscreen model that is waterproof and portable and has a special software called Galadriel Images that will issue random images according to peoples' brainwaves.

Who was Lobelia Sackville-Baggins?

She was Sauron's personal maid.
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Who were Sam's kids, and what was special about each of them?

Sam's kids was Sauron and Gothmog, and the special thign about them was that they were some of the most evil creatures to walk the earth. Sam must be real proud of his children.

What did Frodo do after the War of The Ring?

He went straight to a bar and got drunk. And that is how Frodo became an alcoholic.
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What was Legolas's fav hair style?

All shaved.

Why was Gimli so fond of his beard?

Because one time he went to a fashion show and a very very famous and renowned hairstylist said that it was flattering and would be the latest and greatest high fashion beardstyle once he got it out to the public. He's so proud because it started a trend.

How were the Uruk-hai made?

Sauron was bored, so he thought to himself: I am gonna make a new race of orcs. And so he did.

where did Saruman live?

In a pink house with pink walls and pink furniture. He also drove a pink car. (His girlfriend was Barbie.)
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How did the fellowship break up?

They had a farewell party, and then they split up, because they were tired of looking at each other's faces.

What was Gandalf's secret identity?

He's an FBI agent!
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What is Pippin's fav drink?

Water of course, he wouldn't want to get drunk.

Question:What is Frodo's favorite thing to do? [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

He just loves to go skydiving.
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How did the Fellowship get into Moria?

By doing a very strange Pagan ritual where they muttered gibberish and groveled to the door and sacrificed fried chicken to it. The door-god of Moria eventually got so annoyed that it let them pass.

Where did the hobbits live? Describe the place.

In a big, hollow tree where they bake cookies.
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Who were the servants of the Nine Rings of Men?