Tears streamed down his face and his eyes turned red.
"Don't yell at me," he bawled, and he blew his nose.

Old Troll took pity and said, "Well that just blows,"
And offered glue and plaster to patch Gus up.

So Steve offered them a pipe and some sup,
For Hobbits can never refuse a free meal

After he'd et, feeling swell Gus made a deal,
"See here, Steve, 'bout this blowed up 'shaw'*

*Elempi has made up a name for a troll home; take it or leave it. :p

"'Twasn't no great place as I saw,
Should we find ye find a new spot?"

Hence they departed from that trivial lot,
To search out a new and improved shaw for Steve.

"A shaw that I saw three steps back, I believe,
Would be better than this one by far,

Said Gus. Said Steve, "By gum and by gar,
Do ye mean three steps as metaforikal?

Or do ye mean you'll be my new pal?"
His drunkenness now made him slur

as much as his vision did blur;
but Gus threw his arm around Steve's shoulder

And lead Steve over to a great boulder.
Then drunken Gus claimed: "This'll be yer home!"

But then he stole all of Steve's Jam and Scones
In an attempt to begin a new life on the road

Steve was just a dull enough troll that he knowed
That Gus was the swellest burrahobbit in Middle Earth

Not to mention that the rising sun gave a new day birth,
And Steve realized... nothing, for he was now made of stone.

So for a hundred years he would have to stand alone.
Meanwhile Frodo and Sam were still very confused

No surprise considering the three tankards each had used
To drown their wits and forget this day's anniversary

All the while eating some Hookbill*, they went to a nursery
To scare the children with their poor juggling and coarse language.

*Scary, no?

But the children, unscareable, were wreaking carnage
from floor to roof of the erstwhile hobbit hole

As children's wont, as children don't, the future's unknown hole
To gleam of eye and gloss of hair the world a puckish fair;

Three sheets to the wind, our two hobbits grinned, and danced a rakish tear,
until they tripped, and their alecups tipped, making the nursery a wreck

Eye re-open this thread!
 

This, of course, Made all of the class budgies peck
at the stumbling ones with such madness that...

Everybody fell down flat.
Sam asked, "Where's my shoe?"

*bump*
 

Replied Frodo, "I don't know. But don't feel blue.
We still have some pipeweed and ale."

This plan, it would soon fail,
For the Dragon came and said,

"Anybody seen my cousin Fred?"
All the Hobbits said "Nope!" Even though...

...It wasn't long ago
When Fred the Friendly Dragon flew to...

Hobbiton with a steaming hot stew
Which he fed to them swiftly until...

They'd all had their fill,
after which Fred, feeling lonesome,

Decided to throw a party most frolicsome.
Hobbits came from miles around, singing and dancing,

And a cat fiddled and the cows took to prancing,
And an old man showed up saying he lived on the moon,

But they told him he was just an old buffoon
Before rolling him up to the top of a hill

Where Fred the dragon picked up pad and quill
And wrote down the old man's rants in rhyme

Busy writing, he knew not that he sat in a patch of thyme.
That made him sneeze, and his snout spouted flame

So it was Fred the dragon that was to blame
For the scorch down the middle of Sam's garden

So he then flew away, his teeth to sharpen
Before the Hobbits rose up against him...

Now the Dragon's view was dim
on Hobbits lying about his friend Fred

"What's going on?" The dragon said
I think this thread should be revived

And with that note he dived,
straight into the abyss

Where a gaint snake ate him with a hiss.
And when the snake had had its fill,

He then became suddenly ill
And so called Gandalf to help