Well now, that's easy ...
 

The Red Book of Westmarch. :D

black & white & red all over
 

A guard of the Citadel in the thick of battle.

Eeew.

Why do birds fly south?

To rescue hobbits from volcanoes.

Why do birds fly south?
 

Movie Treebeard: Because they always liked going south. Somehow it feels like going downhill....

Marvelous, Saucepan.

mark12_30, you have inspired me with that Gondor idea...

What's black and white and red all over?

A Guard of the Citadel in a blender.

Continuing on that line of thought-

*What's black and white and red all over?*

The guard of the Citadel with a bad allergic reaction.

Heh heh! Wait, that wasn't funny... Oh well. Humor me. It's my birthday!
-MAEG

PS- I like the new tree icon!

What's black and white and red all over?
Saruman's beard after a spraypainting by M&P. :D :p

Gandalf: What is black and white and red all over?

Sam: Please Mr. Gandalf, don't turn me into anything...unnatural!

What is black and white and red all over?

Sam: Po-ta-toes!

Right. :D

Optional...
 

Why do birds fly south?

Legolas: You neither need borrow a horse or be troubled by one.

What's black and white and red all over?

Halbarad put catsup all over Aragorn's banner.

What's black and white and red all over?
PJ's script.

Why do birds fly south?
They're reporting to Isengard, of course!

Meh heh heh!
MAEG!

We are sick, sick people. ;)

What's black and white and red all over?

Orthanc with a Canadian flag on it!

How about the Mouth of Sauron squirting mayonnaise all over Barad-dur's banner? :D

Oooooo-kay, let's try a new one... (eeeew.) :p

How about:

To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

To the house of a friend,
The road is never long.

Bilbo- Except when the Road goes ever on and on...

Oh great, not the singing again!!!!
~Maeg

Top ten reactions to
 

To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

10. Sauron: It's long. Yes, it's long. *starts walking to the void*
9. Túrin: What friend? I killed 'em all!
8. Fatty: As long as they have mushroom for supper.
7. Bilbo: But never leave without a pocket-handkerchief.
6. Finrod: Though I wish it weren't so. Drat you, Beren!

__________________

Brain lag! The rest of the list later...this year.

To the house of a friend...
 

Smeagol: Smeagol will lead you on safe paths through the mist. Follow Smeagol.

Boromir:
Long have I wandered by roads forgotten.

Bilbo:
If that was worth a journey of a hundred and ten days to hear, you had best listen to it.

To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

Treebeard: Don't be hasty!
Galadriel: I cannot tell you what path to take, or what is right or wrong that is for you to decide. (*Can't remember exact quote :confused: *)

To the house of a friend, the road is never long...
 

Theoden and Aragorn: Really? Then why did it take us so long to reach Minas Tirith?

Denethor (whispers): Because I am not your friend. *sniff*

Why do birds fly South?
 

I hate to revert, but I simply cannot believe no one posted this:

Whay do birds fly South?
Legolas: Something stirs in the East.

I'm reviving this thread because I like it.Anyway, I'm not sure this is an old saw.

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.

Treebeard: If it would not have been so hasty it would not have been eaten.

The early bird gets the worm
 

Gollum: Iss it juicy? Iss it ssweet? Is it ssscrumptiously crunchable? :p
Sam: You'll make Mr. Frodo sick, eating it like that!
Gollum (again): Give it to us raw and wwwrrrriggling!

Legolas: One bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man!
Merry: so... how many did you eat? Pippin: *burp* umm... four?

Legolas: Would you like me to describe it? :eek: (ew.)

and legolas again.. my favorite quote ever!
Legolas: He was twitching. *nod*

haha this is a good one!

the early bird gets the worm
 

Gwaihir: "Or the Hobbit."

Wormtongue: "Un-claw me, Eagle!"

The early bird gets the worm
 

Galadriel: Leave it out! Celeborn's not that bad.

:D

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.
 

Túrin: So does that make me a bird?
Glaurung: I don't think so...


Post-mortem:
Sorry this took so long...

Top Ten replies to...
To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

5. Gandalf: Tell me, friend, why is your house three hundred stories tall? With no elevator!
4. Olwë: What friend? They killed half my people!
3. Treebeard: There's this dormouse. He lives in my beard. He tickles me sometimes. Yep, he's my friend.
2. Frodo: Sam trashed my house. We're no longer friends.

And...
1. Bombadil: Eh, what?

The early bird gets the worm...
 

Crebain from Dunland: ...or the Nine Walkers.

New old saw!
 

Sticks and stones may break my bones . . .

Théoden: . . . but it was my horse who killed me.

Good one, Nilp!!

Sticks and stones may break my bones--

Grima: "I told you to forbid his staff!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? and Why do birds fly south?

Pippen and Merry: They can search far and wide, they can drink the whole town dry, but they'll never find a beer so brown as the one we drink in our home town.

Sticks and stones may break my bones...
 

Saruman's minions in Isengard (movie): ...and they did. Dratted hobbits!!!

Sticks Ands Stones may break my bones-- especially those peices of Minas Tirith...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Elrond (Film): Chickens are a virus!

The early bird gets the worm,

Aragorn: Really? Well let Anduril speak!

Anduril: Hello!

Sticks and stones may break my bones

Frodo: But arrows shall never hurt me.
Ent: I don't have bones.

Sticks and stones may break my bones ...
 

Witch King: But no living man may hinder me.

Sticks and stones may break my bones . . .
 

Gollum: Don't hurt us with nasty cruel steel!

What?
What?!
What!?

Sticks and stones may break my bones . . .
 

Aragorn: "But wait'll you hear my list of names!"

Sticks and stones may break my bones . . .
 

Treebeard: Wait. Sticks are my bones.

Sticks and stones may break my bones . . .
 

Eol: But they didn't. The law of gravity did.

Frodo:

Sticks and stones may break my bones--
but this ring will break my heart.

Sticks and stones may break my bones . . .
 

William Huggins: ... it makes 'em easier to chew on.