When I picture Elves and music together, I get this image of a group of hippy teenage elves hanging out in the forest, slouched across tree branches, listening to chillout trance. For the girls, it'd definitely be Enya.

Gondor is very rock orientated. Denethor is the slightly embarrassing father who just won't stop grooving to the Rolling Stones in public.

When I think of Hobbits, I can't help but think of Great Big Sea, and kitchen parties in the Shire.

Me and my guy thought of this years ago....

In the Beginning was Eru, who because he was bored created his own orchestra--the Ainur. So the Ainur sang and sang, accompanied by lutes and viols and harps, sometimes alone, sometimes in duets, sometimes in small groups, but never together.

One of them, Melkor, had the most unusual musical gifts. He soon got bored by simple classical instruments. Sure, he liked them, but he thought they could be more. So he invented the genre Heavy Metal! He liked the way the guitars--which before just played classical--became distorted when made electric. He commissioned some of his fellow Ainur--Sauron included--to create more heavy metal.

The other Ainur, the ones who enjoy only classical, said Melkor was simply distorting the music, and what he makes was not even music. And this was the point when Iluvatar raised his left hand.

Furious at his humiliation, but determined to have his music, Melkor sat down and composed Power Metal in his mind, and unleashed its fast upbeats, singing of fair realms and ladies and dragons and castles and other things Nightwish and maybe Stratovarius sings about. Melkor enjoyed it tremendously, and its effect on his classical-loving fellows. And Melkor laughed his evil Bwahahaha!!! for the first time.

Iluvatar was amused, but he did not show it. He raised his right hand, and Melkor's "noise" was subdued. The Ainur were relieved, finally that stupid heavy metal was gone! But Melkor was very much humiliated, and was determined to have his revenge....

...and he conceived of Death Metal, and Thrash, and Deathgrind... all those things that depict gore and bloodlust and death inevitable... the Ainur were in despair!

Now this time, Iluvatar was mad. Melkor had gone too far! His symphonic orchestra was turned into something quite.... savage. He raised his two hands therefore.

"Mighty are the Ainur, and mightiest among them is Melkor; but that he may know, and all the Ainur, that I am Iluvatar, and those things ye have sung, I will show them forth, that ye may see what ye have done. And thou, Melkor, shalt see that no theme may be played that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the music in my despite. For he that attempeth this shalt prove but mine instrument in the devising of things more wonderful, which he himself hath not imagined..."

And thus Melkor, father of metal and whose musical genius was unappreciated by his fellows, became the lord of darkness. But then, everything has a place in Iluvatar's mind... so death metal just had to be part of music.

:cool: