a man from Gondor who

"desired to be a troll"

because he wanted to kill

"tricksey wizardses who turn trolls"

...into oversized garden gnomes for...

"the elvish gardens in Lorien"

..., which were already full of...

............droppings left by oversized eagles........

(Edited story so far)

It was a dark and dismal pit for the orcs into which they dragged Smeagol
and left. After a few harsh words to their prisoner they started fighting each other,
which happened to include several nazgul who wanted Smeagol to go to Valinor
to retrieve some strange coloured weed which the residents had begun to
wrap in liquorice paper and relish with great pleasure by smoking pipes provided by Olorin.

The fact is that it distracted the Vala as Gollum peeped over the rim of
Yavanna's large iron cooking pot which contained many brightly coloured strange weeds, which Gollum stole and used for many sinister reasons, but mainly for halitosis (to escape from the nazgul) which had been following him by scent until stepped on by Treebeard who decided that he didn't think nazgul should torture Smeagol with feathers tickling his feet and many other unbearable tortures such as frying his fish and listening to Ioreth chat.

There should be another way to torture Smeagol such as diction tutor to stone trolls, dressing him up in skirts, and reading him a story about a man named Jed. Jed was, of course, a poor mountaineer man from Gondor who barely kept his family fed.

Jed desired to be a troll because he wanted to kill tricksey wizardses who turn trolls into oversized garden gnomes for the elvish gardens in Lorien, which were already full of droppings left by oversized eagles.
...The guano made Jed rich...

"but riches had their price"

.........£5 a bag for manure.........

Jed desired to be a troll because he wanted to kill tricksey wizardses who turn trolls into oversized garden gnomes for the elvish gardens in Lorien, which were already full of droppings left by oversized eagles.

The guano made Jed rich. But riches had their price, £5 a bag for guano.
...Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien...

..........with his bags of money!......







(sorry)

Jed desired to be a troll because he wanted to kill tricksey wizardses who turn trolls into oversized garden gnomes for the elvish gardens in Lorien, which were already full of droppings left by oversized eagles.

The guano made Jed rich. But riches had their price, £5 a bag for guano.
Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien with his bags
...while eschewing any scatalogical humor...


Also, please note the comment I made at the beginning of this thread
I hope no one takes offense, certainly there are various views on humor, but I find an overuse of body humor tiresome, and rather
un-Tolkien/Middle-earthish. Just a personal attittude, but there you are.

Thanks.

"So he decided to write..."

...a very long book on...

"How to Knit a Cloak"

"That Nazgul Will Die For!"

.......if woven in Westernesse wool...

...,which didn't really come from....

...sheep, but instead, from the...

...shaper-shifters, a distant cousin to....

Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien with his bags So he decided to write
a very long book on "How to Knit a Cloak That Nazgul Will Die For!"
if woven in Westernesse wool, which didn't really come from
sheep, but instead, from the shaper-shifters, a distant cousin to
...Sauron's wolf acolytes in Beleriand...

"so they decided on pink"

Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien with his bags So he decided to write
a very long book on "How to Knit a Cloak That Nazgul Will Die For!"
if woven in Westernesse wool, which didn't really come from
sheep, but instead, from the shaper-shifters, a distant cousin to
Sauron's wolf acolytes in Beleriand

So they decided on pink
...since Haldir LOVED shocking pink...

This is getting very amusing
 

"But Haldir also loved sparkles."

...when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick"...

"but he wished he could..."

...sartorially dress better than Galadriel...

"who was not happy with"

So they decided on pink since Haldir LOVED shocking pink.
But Haldir also loved sparkles when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick..."
But he wished he could sartorially dress better than Galadriel
who was not happy with

...Sauron's sexy eyelash(es?) from E-Bay...

"so she conspired to steal"

"Varda's eyelashes after returning to"

"Lothlorien and stealing Galadriel's dress"

So they decided on pink since Haldir LOVED shocking pink.
But Haldir also loved sparkles when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick..."
But he wished he could sartorially dress better than Galadriel
who was not happy with Sauron's sexy eyelash(es?) from E-Bay;
so she conspired to steal Varda's eyelashes after returning to
Lothlorien and stealing Galadriel's dress.

"This really ticked off Varda"

..., who was counting on a...

...sexy gown for the party...

Manwe held for the Valar

....every last Twelvtyth of Foreyule.

Fortunately the valar drinking game...