Are you kidding? Carcharoth would eat Movie!Wargs up like popcorn. It takes THREE of them to crush Gimli, and that's just pathetic.

How many mugs of ale would it take to really get Legolas drunk?

(I hate that scene.)

How many mugs of ale would it take to really get Legolas drunk?

Well, you'd need a blender to make Legolas nice and liquidy before drinking him. Then I presume he'd fill about 50 mugs.


How many Downers can you fit in Rune's room? :D

How many Downers can you fit in Rune's room?

There's only one answer: Let's all go there and see.

How many hamsters has Melkor had during his existence?

Quote:

How many hamsters has Melkor had during his existence?

Just one. After poor Chuckles escaped and was eaten by Huan, Melkor could never see himself owning another hamster.

How many trolls does it take to cook a hobbit?

How many trolls does it take to cook a hobbit?

Only one, the presence of more then one would bring death to all of them, as seen in The Hobbit.

How many Witch-kings does it take to break Gandalf's staff? ;)

None, Gandalf worked alone.

How many draughts does it take to water an ent?

Well, you know how it is with Tolkien - the first draft always needs revision. So there must be several...


How many monsters does it take to eat all the critics?

How many monsters does it take to eat all the critics?

Hey! They wouldn't go as far as cannibalism! :p

How many fish did Gollum eat under the Misty Mountains?

How many fish did Gollum eat under the Misty Mountains?

That's easy, one for every Tolkienbashing review ever written.

Let's have another go at this one:

How many monsters does it take to eat all the critics? :D

So here you go! ;)

How many monsters does it take to eat all the critics?

Depends on the levels. A 20 level monster can eat 56,8 level 5 critics, but the ratio critically changes if the critics have a +3 reputation bonus.

How many critics does it take to avoid being eaten by the monsters?

How many critics does it take to avoid being eaten by the monsters?

Two. The first critic feeds the brain of the second critic to a monster; the monster is sickened by the repugnance of the thoughts in the critic's brain, and loses its lunch. Word gets out to all the other monsters and the critics are safe..... (blast it) ..... to continue their Tolkienbashing.

How many posthumous volumes of original Tolkien material does it take to satisfy the voracious appetites of Tolkien fanatics?

x → ∞




How many ages does it take to get an Elf bored?

One age be they living in Valinor or Beleriand, two and half be they living in Edhellond, about three be they living in Rivendell, Lórien or Grey Havens, maximally four if they live in Mirkwood. However, if any of them lived at the Barrow-Downs, they wouldn't get bored ever!

How many Hobbits does it take to drink up the whole Green Dragon?

Well, if x kegs of beer are delivered to the Green Dragon each day, and each keg fills y mugs, one of which a single hobbit can drink in z hours; with an average of q hours in the Green dragon for each hobbit per day:

If qz < xy by a large amount, there will be excess beer and production will have to be slowed, resulting in mass unemployment amongst barley farmers who will be made redundant.

If qz = xy everything will be just fine.

If qz > xy a potential drinking-up situation is plausible. This would result in mass riots.

Now, we know that hobbits never rioted, and also that there was no great depression. Therefore it's safest to assume that qz has roughly equalled xy for all of the Shire's history, meaning that it will probably continue to do so until th Shire collapses.

All of which means no amount of hobbits could ever drink up the Green Dragon. Unless they invented straws.


How many Moriquendi does it take to teach a man to walk on snow?

None actually, as long as the man involved was a hobbit.

See, hobbits have an amazing adaptation. With their large feet and their hairy feet they have natural, built-in snowshoes. As long as they walk with that wide sliding manner which the Inuit have perfected in our age, hobbits would not need any kind of elf to teach them how to snowwalk.

How many mulberry trees did it take to feed the worms which produced the silk for Arwen's wedding gown?

The only information I can tell you is that in the year 3019 TA, there was reported a turmoil caused by Easterling ecologists against the devastation of their virgin forests for the sake of foreign trade commerce, which led to the retreat of another 10,000 troops of Rhun who were originally supposed to join the army at the battle of Dale, but now had to return to their home country to prevent ecologist rebellion. The indent of Arwen's wedding gown, thus, in fact saved the Western Middle-Earth from terrible fate. Think of what might have been: fire and savage swords in Eriador, night in Rivendell. And what more, there might be no Queen in Gondor - do you think Aragorn would marry Arwen without her wedding gown? But that has been averted – because Elrond picked an Easterling salesman's offer among all others. A chance-meeting, as we say in Middle-earth.

How many roads must a man walk go down, before you call him a "Strider"?

More than eagles have feathers and fewer than the stars in the sky...

How many Royal Messengers did it take to convince Morwen to leave her homestead?

One. It was the same messenger whom Thingol always ordered to go to Dor-Lómin. In the end the messenger got so frustrated that he dragged Morwen all the way to Menegroth.

How many Hobbits would it take to defeat Glaurung?

One. Despite popular belief, Turin was actually 4"4, meaning he was an inch smaller than Bandobras Took. This was due to growth stunting he recieved as a child from a medical ailment known in Latin as stubbornus foolus.

How many Dark Lords does it take until the Valar just move to another planet?

The matemathical calculations imply that the correct answer is 666,2.

How many dwarves does it take to beat an elf in a singing competition?

Q: How many dwarves does it take to beat an elf in a singing competition?

A: Two. The singer and the referee.

Q: How many hours can a Hobbit live without eating anything?

Random Titles get hungry...
 

Q: How many hours can a Hobbit live without eating anything?

A: Zero, soon enough his whining will force someone to give him food.

Q: How many hobbits does it take to stress out a Wizard?

The dwarves are a dwindling race; there never would be enough of them to clear cut the Old Forest.

How many elves were entranced by Legolas' descriptions of the Glittering Caves?

None, he wouldn't talk about them.

How many falls does it take to kill Aragorn?

42.

How many roads must an Atani walk down?

Only one - after all, "the road" that "goes ever on and on..." is singular!


How many volumes of HoME must a Downer research in order to win a forum argument on Balrog wings?

Only one, also. The volume 76 is titled "Wings Or No Wings" and is the longest HoME book. The conclusion is that Balrogs do have wings, but they are, unlike most think, made of pink cardboard.

How many species are conscious of Tolkien?

Random Title #945
 

Two: The humans that read his works, and the cats that sleep on them.

What was Frodo's favorite time of day to write?

hilarious! :D
 

Not being a "how many?" question, this enquiery was disqualified.

;)

How many generations will pass before a (future) Downer finds the book HOME76: "Wings or no Wings?

500, around which time the earth will be destroyed and one of the refugees, whose great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great . . . ah, you get the idea, was a Downer, will find the relevant material floating through space, miraculously unharmed. Of course, by then even Tolkien will have faded into obscurity, meaning that the refugee will huck the book back into space, where it will eventually hit the leader of the species of alien whose planet the remnants of humanity are heading towards. Upon the arrival of humans to this planet and the aliens' realization that the humans are the species who wrote the book, a massive interspecies war will begin, in which both sides will be utterly wiped out, preventing anyone from ever deciding the question of whether the wings were, in fact, made of pink cardboard as some state, or of dwarf beards.

How many years will pass before cats telepathically absorb knowledge of language from sleeping on the works of Tolkien and use this knowledge to communicate among themselves, eventually staging the Great Cat Revolution, which will establish a government whose leaders are chosen by knowledge of Middle-Earth?

Cats will take after the example of Telvido. Their leaders will therefore be called Morcath, Cauron, Cathmog, and the likes of that. As for how many years it will take them to figure everything out... After some cat sleeps on inspiration on the correct BoLT!

How many Dwarves fell off the Bridge of Khazad Dum after it was built?

2 - they were drunk at the time having consumed copious quantities of malt beer at Balin's birthday party. A fact their relatives were quick to deny.

How many Orcs did Legolas actually kill at Helms Deep?

Zero, you see there was a slight mistake. The person Aragorn believed to be Legolas was actually.......Galadriel in disguise. :p Legolas got left behind in Lothlorien....

How many Silmaril prototypes did Feanor make before finally getting them right?

None. He never made the Silmarils. Those were stolen by him from Morgoth's secret treasury. Why else do you think Morgoth took it so hard? ;)

How many pimples does Lotho Pimpe have?