Your wish is granted. He kills you instead.

I wish I had an infinite supply of lembas.

Your wish is granted. Haldir survives but then he goes to Pellenor where he upstages Legolas at everything causing everyone to stare in awe and giving the Orcs and opening to kill everybody. But Haldir kills them all with his awesomeness but unfortunately all the Free People stop what they're doing to watch Haldir and in the end only Haldir survives.

I wish Sauron had a nagging wife.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately your neatly stacked piles fall down one day, burying you forever.

I wish the Nazgul were afraid of the dark.

Abra-kadabra, foom a da lark! Nazgul now fear the dark! But they now spend their time hunting hobbits out to market, so they don't go out to market. And so starve to death, as do the Nazgul.

I wish Mount Doom had wheels.

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, it had no brakes and it ran over and killed you.

I wish the Ents would have done more in the War of the Ring.

The ents decide to do more. They keep walking and walk onto you, squashing you flatter than a pancake. A random hobbit decides to eat your remains.

I wish Spiderman was the Ring Bearer.

Your wish is granted, but he is a missunderstood hero and is shot in the face by Elrond.

I wish Hobbits could fly.

flying hobbits of DOOM!
 

Your wish is granted. Hobbits can now fly. Out of pride for his newfound ability, Frodo attempts to fly to Mount Doom to destroy the ring. Legolas sees him when he gets to Mordor with his awesome elf vision, assumes he is something evil because nobody knows yet that hobbits can fly. Legolas shoots Frodo and the ring falls on an orc, who brings it to Sauron. Middle Earth has been destroyed.

I wish Merry and Pippin had created the rings.

Your wish is granted. Pippin and Merry create the rings, but they fight over who gives them out, and before they do, they kill each other in an amusing manner involving amoebas.

I wish there were Daleks in Middle Earth.

Your wish is granted. Mogul Bildur uses them to attack the Swinging City of Gondola. Dok-Dorhu fails to defeat the Dar-lêks, and Gondola falls to its doom.

I wish I was an elf.

Your wish is granted. But you live in a dwarf colony where you are the designated elf to be slapped everyday.

I wish everyone had a beard like Gandalf.

Your wish is granted. You trip over your beard and fall into Mt. Doom. Everybody else bends down to see you and trip over each others beards and they all fall in as well.

I wish the members of The Barrow-Downs (The Site) took part in the Battle of Pellenor Fields.

Your wish is granted. But since we have no fighting experience, we are all slain in the process.

I wish Galadriel didn't decide to traverse into Middle-Earth and have the Doom of Mandos on her.

Your wish is granted. There is no Lothlorien for the fellowship to stop at and they all get killed by orcs.

I wish Sauron and Frodo had their roles reversed.

Your wish is granted, but Frodo decides that instead of a ring, he'll make a special hat. The hat eats people, including Frodo. Then it tries to eat Mount Doom, but it zooms off into the sky with Sam still climbing up it. They fly over Germany and watch ensuing events.

I wish the Barrow Downs was the size of Gondor.

Your wish is granted. The Barrow Downs are now the size of Gondor. But, because you must do the same thing to both sides of the equation/inequality, Gondor was now the size of old Middle Earth, and new Middle Earth was the size of Jupiter.


I wish Pallando and Alatar hadn't run off

your wish is granted.
Alatar and Pallando join with Saruman, and together they are able to destroy Rohan, an in the process kill Aragor. Legolas, Gimli, the ents, Merry, and Pippen. Thus causing Sauron with the Witch King to have dominion over Middle Earth

I wish Gandalf would stay cloaked

Your wish is granted.
Gandalf decides to be decent and reamins cloaks, however this results in the uncloaking of Saruman and the depantsing of Hobbits across the Shire.

I wish Merry and Pippin would give up ale and pipeweed.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, Gandalf, who said 'Then smoke, and think of him!' is incensed that his advice is not taken, cries, runs away and tells Eru on them, and Eru decides that it wasn't him that promised to never wipe out the world again with a flood, and then proceeds to wipe out the world. Barrow-downer's last thoughts are - who made that wish?

I wish I didn't live in Korea, so I could take more active part in the Barrow-Downs.

Your wish is granted. You now live in Giant Slug Land and are continually being slimed by said creatures.

I wish I was the King of Gondor.

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, you were turned into Isildur and you got shot by arrows.

I wish Theodred didn't die.

Your wish is granted. Theodred didn't die, therefore Eomer never became king, and then Faramir doesn't marry Eowyn for diplomatic reasons, and then... Um... I forgot what happens next, but it was something bad.

I wish Christopher Tolkien's son is a reincarnation of Tolkien and writes more LOTR series.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately it makes no difference since J.R.R Tolkien had decided that there would be no continuation to LotR. Nothing happens differently, except that HoME is in more detail and we have more ME handbooks by Christopher Tolkien... but there is no major change in our lives.

I wish the fate of Middle-Earth was decided in a limbo contest.

Your wish is granted. But Gandalf wins them all by uncloaking and blinding everyone. So Middle Earth is sent into turmoil, as everyone is blind.

I wish there were more Hobbits in Middle Earth.

Your wish is granted. There are a lot more Hobbits in Middle-Earth. In fact, they live all over Middle-Earth. They eat all the food and sleep the whole day long, they drive the other countries into poverty and starvation. The stock market at Morannon collapses and Sauron commits suicide.

I wish Sam was an emo kid.

Your wish is granted. But Frodo hates emo Kids and so fires Sam out of a cannon.

I wish Ents would sell Ent draughts all over Middle Earth,

Your wish is granted. However, Ents do not know how to spend the immense profits gained from selling Ent Draughts, and a money shortage (Deflation) occurs, with all the ensuing problems, and eventually the people kill off what remains of the Ents to stop the deadly cycle.

I wish Hurin had surrendered to Morgoth.

Your wish is granted. His children are never cursed.

Túrin never gets to kill Glaurung, and the dragon, together with Brandir, live happily ever after. Their children, the dreaded Dragon-Men, plague Middle-earth throughout the ages.

Nienor and Morwen become founder of a witch's society obsessed in getting paler skin.

I wish the Teleri aided the Noldor.

Your wish is granted. However, they aid them by trying to fire them at Morgoth in an attempt to kill him or get the Silmarills back or something. Morgoth gets rather annoyed and burns both races to dust.

I wish The Lord of the Rings was longer...

Your wish is granted. Tolkien inserts the words 'totally,' 'like,' and 'uh' in every sentence.

Hey, it is longer. :p

I wish there was a story about the Fourth Ho . . . I mean Fourth Age.

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, it wasn't as good as the first, second and third age stories because it was written by Christopher Tolkien who DIDN'T inherit his fathers writing skills. Not to mention All the characters that moved on into the fourth age from the end of the third age died in an earthquake.

I wish that Faramir would have gone to Rivendell instead of Boromir.

Your wish is granted. Faramir goes to Rivendell and joins the Fellowship. He dies at Amon Hen, and Frodo and Sam meet Boromir in Ithilien. Boromir steals the Ring and brings it to Denethor, who tries to use it against Sauron but fails. Sauron takes over Middle-Earth and all the good guys die.

I wish Earnur wasn't killed by the Witch-King.

Your wish is granted. But the Witch King can't work out why his repeated hacking of Earnur won't kill him, so he goes on a rampage and kills Gandalf.

I wish the Barrow Downers could build their own Rivendel to stay in,

Rivendell...or Rivendel?
 

Your wish is granted. The Barrow-Downers build their own Rivendel to stay in. Unfortunately, the misspelling* of 'Rivendel' leads the carpenters and contracters to think that it's not all that serious a task. They slack off in building it, forgetting to fireproof everything. Your 'Rivendel' catches fire and everyone dies.

I wish Gandalf had an afro.


*not meaning to poke fun at you, it just made for a fun story.

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, the afro blocked his view from everything and instead of picking Bilbo to go with the Dwarves, he picked Lobelia!! :eek: And because he chose Lobelia, the ruin of Middle-Earth came early.

I wish that Turin would have went back to Doriath with Beleg.

Your wish is granted. Turin and Beleg start the journey back to Doriath, but choke on your gramatical errors. They both commit suicide to end the pain.


I wish The Council of Elrond wasn't so darn long!

Your wish is granted. The Council is shorter. Twenty yards shorter. So now all the hobbits, elves, dwarves and men have to be squashed together causing more arguments until the council lasts for nine days.

I wish the Orcs weren’t all Londoners.

You mean, orcs are Londoners?

- Puzzled fairy grandmother

Have you not listened to them on the films and on the BBC radio thing. They are all cockneys! :eek: Am I the only one who sees this?
If so,

I wish I wasn't the only one who sees this. :P

Your wish is granted, but for spoiling their mental view of Orks, Hookbill is suspended from the 'Downs. Permanently.

I wish Sauron was a Grilled Cheese Sandwich.