Because Captain Obvious hasn't suffered my full wrath yet!
 

Elrond: *licks lips* Well? What are you waiting for? You gonna destory that ring, or what?
Frodo: Where is Bilbo?
Elrond: Bilbo?!? :eek: um...he...went....out...
Aragorn: Where?
Elrond: Um....I forgot
Gandalf: What are you hiding? Speak!
Elrond: Nuthin *wipes mouth*....
Sam: There's a piece of ole Bilbo's tunic in your mouth
Elrond: That's lembas. They look alike
Boromir: And there's a pipe of his lodged in your teeth
Elrond: Um....hmm....
*moment of silence*
Legolas: :eek: He ate Bilbo!
Fellowship: *sigh*

Elrond: Food is growing short, so we're going to have to eat Bill the Pony.

Sam: :eek:

Elrond's words of encouragement...

Elrond: To Frodo, I say to you, don't die. To Legolas, don't pee in the bushes, please go use the porta john. To Merry and Pippin, drugs are bad, mmmkay. Boromir, disco is dead. Gandalf, you should already know what everyone wants you to do. Aragorn, Arwen's run off with Haldir, sorry she needed someone who could see her on a consistant basis. Gimli, umm...well....yeah, go get 'em tiger. And finally Sam, there will be a point in time when you will either have to choose between Bill the Pony or Frodo.

The Fellowship watch warily as Elrond grows before their eyes.

The show must go on... and must bring profit!
 

Elrond: You know who you are! You are no fiddlers, you are Die Bremer Musikanten! Go now and bring me capfuls of coins, or that acrobat donkey goes after dog, cat and the cockerel into the stew, promise or no promise! And make sure it is silver, I don't need coppers, understand?

Elrond speaks (or sings).
 

(restaurant scene)

Elrond (to the tune of 'Toxicity): What?! You have no Chopsuey?! What about my order, my order?!

(or)

Elrond: Aren't you a bit too old to be trick-or-treating?

(or)

Elrond: You used MapQuest, didn't you? The inn is that way.

(or)

Elrond: No, I don't want to buy photos of Gandalf the Grey uncloaked.

Gandalf: Well, I never!

Following off of however said it first.

Sam: Bill took the cookie from the cookie jar!!!!
Bill: That's right!! I'm the theif!! HAHAHAHA!!!
Everyone: :eek:

Frodo: *raises hand* Um, Elrond? Question: Why do we have a life-size poseable Legolas figure instead of the real deal?

Elrond: Because this is a hopeless quest and all the Elves are leaving these shores and don't want to bother with your pathetic mortal problems anymore. Tata!

In the game of Werewolves . . .
 

Elrond: Sorry I was away! RL issues, see?

Frodo: Too late, we've already decided to lynch you.

Merry: So that’s where all our Ent draughts went!

OR

Pippin is the only one who sees the TARDIS materialising behind Elrond.

Ripped off . . . sort off . . .
 

Gimli: Longwinded is he who says farewell in a day and a night.

Elrond: But headless is the Dwarf who dares to insult the owner of this house.

Gimli: OK, shutting up.

Elrond practices a new song with Middle-earth's hottest boygroup:

"OK now, it goes: 'It's fun to stay at the... Laaaast Hooomely House!' "

Not for nothing was Gandalf known as the Grey

Fellowship: "Give up Elrond. All your base are belonging to us."

Elrond introduces the NEW picture.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...erry-ferry.jpg

I suppose the Hobbits did over react a little to Gandalf the Grey uncloaked!

OR

When invisible giant snakes attack!

Samwise: "Don't worry! You can outrun the Black Rider! This is only a movie!"

Thats one heck of a splinter in Pippin's foot! :eek:

At Buckleberry Ferry - the Opera. Merry and Pippin are a bit screetchy, but Sam looks like a real pro!

Sam, Merry, and Pippin are very excited upon arriving in Neverland on their Magic Ferry...

Despite the risk involved in keeping them, both Sam and Pippin were strongly opposed to Frodo leaving the mushrooms, the jettison of which would aid in his escape.

Yo-ho Yo-ho, a pirate's life for me!!

as the villagers watch in astonishment all three lynchees transform into wearwolves: Villagers win

Last throw at the old pic . . .
 

Elrond: OK, guys, I want you all to tell my mother: 'We're sorry, but Elrond won't be coming home for a few ages.' (whispers to self)May Eru be with you.

Take me to the ballgame . . . or is it?
 

Sam: Frodo! Did you bring the baseball bat?! No!?

Pippin: How about the ball?! Still no!?

Merry: Sheesh! What's the use of going pillaging without a bat or a ball?!

Bah, the Opera joke has been got to already. ;)

Okay, how about:

Sam, Pippin and Merry scream as they are Sent to Mordor.

Or...

When Dominic Monaghan showed Sean and Billy his splinter, they jumped screaming and fighting not to vomit off the boat.

Or...

Sam: THERE! I told you to stop that annoying voice and now you will!
Pippin: My Teddy!

Or...

Sam: You call dat'a jump? What, for nottin' I train you and you can't mak-a da simple jump onto da raft?
Pippin: What is wrong with you, man?

Or...

Sam: Look, I'm telling you, it's got wings!
Pippin: No! It can't be true! NOOOO!!

Or...

Trying to catch flies in their open mouths was always a popular pastime with drunken boating hobbits.

Do NOT feed the Hobbitses.
 

Sam and Pippin: "It's this big!"

Merry: (horified) "What!!!'

Sam and Pippin: "The fish we just caught."

Hope I don't get sued by the T-shirt for that one.

Pippin: Run you stupid horse! I've got £300 on you!

OR

Sam decided that its time to perfect his skills as a mime artist. Pippin does not agree.

Curiously, the producer of The Abridged Les Miserables took the title rather too literally.

Sam reels in disgust as Elrond steps in a pile of dogpoop while barefoot...

Sam: Oh how could you! Oh...no! Oh, my! Ahh, that's so gross.

or...

Sam: Oh! No! They just trampled Frodo, ahh, ohhh my!!!

Pippin: Na, na, you can't touch me :sticks out tongue:

As Sam and Pippin are distracted by Frodo being eaten by a frog, Merry decides to make a quiet escape.

OR

Sam and Pippin scream in horror as the last piece of lembas floats away.

OR

Merry: "What's a Black Rider doing in Valinor?"
Pippin: "Well, it looks like he's waiting for us, actually. Wow, I wasn't expecting a welcome party!"
Sam: "It's not a welcome party and that's not Valinor! The map lied to us! I Hate MapQuest!"

Sam: "Hurry Mr. Frodo!"

Pippin: "JUMP!!!"

Merry: "Eh, I don't really care if he makes it, he willed Bag End to me."

"Oh Father Abrahm, seven sons he had; seven sons had Father Abraham, and they never laughed and they never cried. All they did was go like THIS"

Samwise and Peregrin go head to head in the final heat of the 47th Annual Bucklebury Air Guitar Championships.


OR


Merry is mortified as Samwise and Peregrin shout lewd comments at Rosie Cotton from the scaffolding on the building site.


OR


Tempers flared at the boating lake when the landing platform broke free from its moorings.

While floating through outer space on a giant book, Samwise and Pippin are amazed to descry Lalwendë, and they yell frantically at her.

Or (the more simple)...

"Outrage as yobs shout abuse at pensioners from stolen boat"

The Brandy Hall College History of Art trip to Venice coincided with a severe case of aqua alta...

The Hobbits audition for Shakespeare
 

Sam: A Horse! My garden, for a horse!

Pippin: Is this a mushroom I see before me?

Merry: You're hopeless.

Frodo: :O Shinobi attack!

or

As the ring magically destoryed in Frodo's pocket, he found to his dismay that all this time Merry, Sam, and Pippin and been Nazgul!

or

Frodo: Seriously guys, I don't think those mime lessons are paying off!