Rohirrm: are we there yet?

Legolas: no...

Rohirrim: are we there yet?

Legolas: NO...

Rohirrim: are we there yet?

Legolas: look if you say that one more time i'll stab your eyes out!

Rohirrim:....have we reached our current destination?

Legolas: Arrrgghh!!!

Legolas: You have my bow

Rohan soldier: Really? Wow! I don't know what to say!

Legolas: Psyke! Heh! You should have seen your face

Rohan: Where's an army of orcs when I need one?

Army of Orcs: *wave*

The invasion of Mordor.
 

Brone: You really sure we could enter that new pub?

Legolas: Sure, all I have to do is flash my ID. . . darn, where is it?

Legolas: Ai! A new picture!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...inastirith.jpg

Gandalf reads the Gondor Newspaper Headlines

“Roasted Steward Swallows Orc”

Or

“Toad-faced Child Eaten By Nervous Gran”

Or

“’I’m Proud To Be black’ Claims Confused Orc activist”

Or

“’No More Dinner’ Requests Swollen Hobbit”

Or

“Balrog Deflates After Unexpected Piercing”

Or

“Unlikely Duo Become Best Friends After Owl Trauma”

Or

“Swollen Hobbit: ‘I’ve Had Enough’”

Or

”’Dalek-esque Torturer Felt My face With Prong’ claims Frodo after night of pipe weed.”

Gandalf: Here follows the account of Isildur, 3434 of the Second Age. Blech! No wonder those orcs killed him *kicks giant statue of Isildur on his way out of Minas Tirith*

Gandalf: Oh it's only three hobbit feet, not four. No wonder my stew tasted so terrible.

Gandalf: So Balrog's DO have wings!!!

Gandalf ponders the mystery of who sent him this Valentine; mysterious not least because it arrived in September. :p

Gandalf: The Phantom gunned down in Shock-Shot-Horror?

Gandalf: Hmm...what's this?



Hmm....yes.....oh that will be good...yes...oh I did not just go there!

Gandalf: "This fanfiction stuff is terrible. Shadow of the West my ring! It didn't at all happen like that. Entish Bows and Lonely Stars! Why, it's all just an ocassion for ... for... *sputters anathemas* How on earth could Tom let those wights get away with this kind of stuff on the Barrow Downs? He's been spending too much blasted time with Goldberry I'll warrent. *sputters some more deprecations too unsuitable for the site*"

The Su Doku bug hits Middle-earth.

Gandalf wished now he had not offered to pay the bill for the Hobbits to eat at Minas Tirith's only 5-star resturant.

Gandalf receives a fixed-penalty notice for speeding ....

Gandalf has a heart attack when he gets his room service bill.

OR

Using a hidden camera, someone caught Gandalf looking at a copy of Playboy.

OR

Ian does not like the looks of the new script:
Ian: "I DON'T come back to life! You cut me from TTT and RotK! You can't DO that!"

OR

Gandalf has a test tomorrow... actually today, since he's up so late studying!

Gandalf reads Saruman's diaries.

Gandalf: *giggle*snicker*

Featuring Eowyn: Horse Mistress!

or

Gandalf is sick and tried of taunting letters from the hobbits. "I smell like a what?"

Gandalf tries to figure out his new Council Tax bill.


OR


The new supply teacher at Hogwarts had to stay up late marking all those two-foot-long Potions essays that Snape had set.


OR


It was Gandalf's turn to work out who owed what on the quarterly phone bill.

Gandalf: "Saruman! Have you been making long distance calls to Eru again?"

Saruman: "You can blame Radagast for those Premium Rate calls! He's been trying to get on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire again!"

ha... that will probaly be my father once he gets the phone bill after me and Lily have been talking...


*Alright, now i've received another unsigned bad rep about this post! Gandalf equals my dad, THATS THE CAPTION!!!*

Gil-Galad: that will probaly be my father once he gets the phone bill after me and Lily have been talking...

Gandalf: Wha!!!!

Gandalf's tax-returns.

Gandalf *reading*: "Did your none-returnable outgoings for the first half of the year exceed your payment for quarterly V.A.T?" WHAT? What does that mean? "If you live in a council flat, by a river but are not... blind!" WHAT? This makes no sense!

OR

Gandalf receives a notification of lynching.
"Dear Gandalf, we, the villagers, regret to inform you that you will be lynched tomorrow morning. Sorry if you're not a wolf. Love, the villagers."

OR yet!

Gandalf: How did they get these pictures of me uncloaked?

Everyone else: *cough* yeah, it’s a mystery.

After the German election...
 

Gandalf: OK now, if the CDU and the FDP would cooperate with the Greens, they could form a government alliance under a new chancellor. On the other hand, if the FDP would decide to cooperate with the SPD and Greens after all, the current chancellor could remain in charge. But if only two parties ally, it would have to be the two biggest, and who would then be chancellor? Oh, these multi-party political systems are so confusing! Why is there no MapQuest for politics?!

Parchment: "Dear Sir,

We regret to inform you that your request to enter the Wizard's Guild has been denied.
Only people having a degree from Hogwarts, who have had training at the Jedi Academy,
or are in connection to the Washington Wizard team are allowed to become members.
We are sorry to dissapoint you, but your rules are clear.


OR

Gandalf has received an eviction notice. Reason neighborhood complaints about his 'streaking tendencies'.

OR

Gandalf: "Yes, I did follow the directions correctly, but how did I end up here? This blasted map lead me into a basement?! Ohh! I Hate MapQuest!"

How to get to Neverneverland:

1) Find a fairy and shake it over your head until fairy dust falls on you.
2) Think happy thoughts
3) Look for the second star on the right
4) Fly straight on til morning.

Gandalf: Aha! So it was Isildur that wrote Peter Pan! I knew that J. M. Barrie story sounded familiar!

Gandalf recieves another denied invitation addressed to a certain 'Gandoof'.

G: Wow. This 'Gandoof' has real relation problems... A bit of a brown-noser if you ask me...

~ Aesthete

Gandalf: What's this, they're banning me from Valinor because I can't keep my cloak on. Inconcievable!

"See Arwen. See Arwen run.
See Aragorn. See Aragorn run.
See Aragorn and Arwen. See Aragorn and Arwen smooch. Smooch smooch smooch.
See Elrond run. See Elrond run for his bow. Run, Aragorn. Run, Arwen. Run run run."

Or...

Gandalf the remaining Sherriff pores over the last letter his colleague left him...

Or...

This Isildur fellow may have been King...but his spelling is horrendous! "Mi preshusss, lolol!!!!!" And what is this strange inscription... " (sp?) "??!?

Gandalf reads the Obituaries:

Olorin

0, 1st Age - 3019, 3rd Age

Known to his friends as Gandalf, Mithrandir, Tharkun, Incanus, the Grey Pilgrim, the Grey Wanderer, Stormcrow, and Lathspell, Olorin of Valinor passed away January 25th, 3019 T.A. in the Long Term Care Unit of the Durin IV Hospital in Khazad-dum, following a lengthy battle with Balrognoma. Olorin is survived by one brother, Curunir (Saruman), one sister, Aiwendil (Radagast), and several cousins. He was predeceased by his brothers Alatar and Pallando. Olorin's first home was in Almaren, and from there he moved to Valinor, where he continued to receive his mail until his death. There, he was employed at various times by Nienna Pity Products and Lorien Dreams Corp. At the time of his death, he was working on a secret mission for the Government in Taniquetil. Olorin was a veteran of the Melkor War I, Melkor War II, and Melkor War III, and acted as an observer during the War of Wrath. He was awarded the Grey Cloak by the Mahanaxar in 1000, 3rd Age. In Middle-Earth, he worked closely with Elrond of Rivendell and Galadriel of Lothlorien for the preservation of ancient cultures, and served a lengthy term on the White Council as Leader of the Opposition to Sauron. Olorin will be remembered for his love of wandering, his fascination with fire, and his fiery temper.

Donations can be made to the Shire Breast Cancer Foundation or a charity of one's choice.

Middle-earth Tabloids
 

Headlines:

Arwen seen vacationing with Faramir!


Photos of Gandalf uncloacking at the Council of Elrond


Exclusive photos of Legolas without makeup!


Dwarves are alien species bent upon Middle-earth domination.


Orcs: Can't we all just get along.

Gandalf reads his daily horoscope:
Horoscope: "You will discover the Ring of Power and send it on it's way to Mount Doom."
Gandalf: "Wow, I never realized these things could be so specific!"

OR

Gandalf enjoying a tabloid:


"Studies Prove Raspberries Stop Wizards!"
Gandalf: "Proposterous! I love raspberries."


"Aragorn, Eowyn Caught Moria's Dark. Exclusive Photos."
Gandalf: "If they are in the dark, how are there pictures?"


"Using Just Pencils, Orcs Capture Osgiliath."
Gandalf: "Man, they must have really left those outer defenses!"

OR

Sometimes Gandalf just doesn't understand the Comics.

There was a time when Gandalf knew every spell in all the tongues of Elves, Men and Orcs but this was just beyond his comprehension.

rOFl l4me arg brb afk ... rofl arg teh y0 wtH dude lol swt

Gandalf: Well I never, Aragorn was right! Uncloaking in public is illegal!

OR

Gandalf: Now, if I just change this name here and that pronoun over there, I become Isildur's heir and heir to the throne of Gondor!

Gandalf: The horoscopes are going down a little since Saruman started writing them. Here's mine:

"You are a foolish old man and wear a stupid hat and should be ashamed of yourself."

:rolleyes:

OR

Gandalf: "King talks to tree, phew what a loony" good grief, The Times has really gone down hill recently.

(Good ol' Bladder)

Gandalf attempts to figure out how to use his new Just For Men hair dye kit. "Damn, I forgot to buy some rubber gloves!"


OR


Saruman hammers on the door. "Gandalf? Are you going to be long in there? I'm crossing my legs out here."

Gandalf: Good grief, Denethor's phone bill is how much?!? That's it, he's got a palantir for sure.
*runs down hallway*
Denethor! Get your charred butt out here!

I'm sorry, that was really stupid.

Gandalf: Good grief! A new Picture?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ond-mtdoom.jpg

Elrond: Isildur! I thought you said you'd switched the oven off!

OR

This is why you never leave the cat in at night.

Elrond: I caught Gandalf reading my secret diary. Now look where he's at! Let that be a lesson to the rest of you!!

A public information announcement from the Alliance of Elf-friends
 

Elrond: See.. I warned you what would happen if you annoyed Mithalwen..... ;)

Elrond: So, Sauron thinks Balrogs have wings does he? *BOOM* Where are all your theories now, eh Sauron? Ha, ha, ha!