Gandalf went to Isengard expecting a pipeweed party at Saruman's, instead he found an intervention.

Gandalf: yes, i'm here for the job of...supreme over-lord wizard!

Saruman: what? thats my job! oh you make me amgry! i'm going to go screw myself over and become evil so you can take my job! grrrrr

Gandalf:...do i still get weekends off?

Saruman: Now, do you know why you've been brought to my office young man?
Gandalf: Yes sir, I've been picking too much on that Pippin Took.
Saruman: That's right now I expect you in my office every night for one week. We will be doing lines.

Gandalf: "Hmm, Saruman has a lot to learn about the art of holding a soiree. Ribena instead of ale, no cheesy pineapple things, and I'm the only guest."

After successfully completing his quest to defeat Sauron, Gandalf was tasked with an even tougher assignment: The re-decoration of Orthanc.

TB12

Saruman: Badgers! we aint got no stinking badgers!

Gandalf is in awe at the lifelike wax display of Saruman in his office at Isengard's Arts and Sciences museum.

Gandalf watches in horror as Saruman's newly severed and skeletonised arm begins to move towards the candelabra.

To revive a very old one..
 

Gandalf: Why are you on your knees, Saruman?

Saruman: To catch a Hobbit, I must think like a Hobbit... hum... I'm hungry.
:D

Principal Saruman: Gandalf, your punishment for smoking at school will be an hour of therapy with Dr. Sauron Freud.

Saruman: "Glugnazgh, it's time to feed the Uruk-Hai."

Gandalf: "It's elementary. It was Colonel Mustard, with a candlestick, in the library."

Saruman: "Can you please give the Sherlock Holmes routine a rest next time we play Cleudo?"

<-- Too much pipeweed
 

Gandalf looks over at the disembodied hand waving at him.

Gandalf stares in disbelief at the sight he sees in front of Saruman. Someone has beaten him to that new Frodo action figure, with cape! :eek:

Gandalf is getting slowly drunk as the severed hand keeps refilling his glass. :eek:

Saruman's gonna make Gandalf an offer he can't refuse.

Lord of the Caribbean?
 

Gandalf: "But, why is the weed gone!?"

Saruman: "Because you smoked it all, idiot! Five barrels in one night? Come on!"

Gandalf: "Know what we need? We need some babes in this place!"

Saruman: "That's your answer to everything......"

Gandalf spots the same slug of doom that attacked him on Caradhras...

Saruman: "Why oh why does he always turn up to borrow a cup of sugar just when I've got a bottle of the Chateau Neuf Du Pape open? Scrounging Stormcrow. Tch."

Gandalf prepares a hasty exit as he learns that the last guest who smoked all the pipe-weed was turned into an attractive set of paperweights.

Gandalf: "I see you've been busy. Galadriel's pitcher. Numerous stolen literary works. Anakin's mechanical arm. Wait a second - what the heck is that doing here!?"

SARUMAN: No, Gandalf, you may NOT go to the bathroom now, we're in the middle of a test. Get back to your seat. And for the last time, no smoking in class!

Gandalf tries to make a smoke screen to escape from Isengard. It didn't work so well.

OR

Somebody was playing with a lazer pointer on set that day. Look at the cup Gandalf's holding.

OR

Gandalf forgot why he came into the study. :confused:

OR

Here's a switch: Gandalf is appalled to see Saruman... uncloaked! :rolleyes:

The voice of James Earl Jones:

"Mild, calm, suave. Longbottom Leaf, for today's intellectual."

when enough is enough
 

Saruman: "Sauron has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form, but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Hey, you don't seem to worried to me!"

Gandalf: "Oh, sorry about that. I'm having a bit of trouble caring about the world's fate right now - this is excellent pipe weed, though! By the way, I love what you've done to your study, walls painted neon & all. And the disco ball strobe light effect, brilliant!

Saruman: ???

Gandalf: Calvin Klein for Wizards

Gandalf: "I think I'll just have another smoke and a snifter of this wine before I get back to those tax returns. I just hope I've still got my receipt for those white robes I had to buy."

Gandalf could hardly believe that Saruman had not yet noticed the spy-with-camera that he had smuggled into Orthanc, despite him standing a mere 2 feet away.

it's not halloween...
 

Gandalf's suspicions first began to arise when he saw the orc mask lieing on top of a stack of books by the window in plain view.

Only the moonlight showed Saruman's den for what it really was: dusty.

I really don't know where I'm going with this... Something from an indie movie for sure...


Gandalf: Anyways, I tell the guy: "Hey! That's an awsome horse, and I think I can have it." So, he starts giving me this whole 'grey pilgrim' speech when -
Is that my old pipe?

Saruman: What old pipe? I don't smoke, especially that foul crud you inhale. I gave up smoking a century ago.

Gandalf: No, look! I swear, that's my old pipe, with the signature first-edition 'G' stamp custom hobbitton red-clay craft. Why is it here?

Saruman: No, it isn't! I told you I don't smoke -

Gandalf: All you had to do is ask if you wanted to use my pipe to smoke, we both know how addicting that weed is... Damn hobbits are crafty enough to control us, might as well indulge before the market caves in...

Saruman: Yeah, you are right. Could you pass me your pipe?

Ha... That was horrible... Sorry. I have too much self-esteem and not enough humor today.

~ In bad taste Ka

<-- Too much pipeweed, yet again
 

Gandalf contemplates offering his pipe to the disembodied hand.

Orthanc needs a fumigation.
 

Saruman: So, if I accelerate the mutation of the Uruks so that they have to come to me to use these transportation devises, then I can remove all senses and feelings and make them into killing machines that will exterminate the world.

Gandalf: You've been watching Doctor Who again haven’t you?

Fans throughout Middle earth gasped at Peter Jackson's scandalous depiction of Tolkien's academic life style.

The real reason for the Wizard's Duel: Saruman tells a 'grey' version of a blonde joke to Gandalf. :mad:

A public service message . . .
 

Saruman: Concealed within his fortress, the Lord of Mordor sees all--his gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and flesh.

Gandalf: Good! I won't have to go to the hospital to have my chest X-rays. This pipeweed might be slowly killing my lungs.

Saruman's council was 99% admin.

couldn't resist...
 

Gandalf: "I hope they post a new caption soon, my legs are killing me!" :D