So rather than provoke his ire
They giggled when the dragon wasn't there

All the while, Smaug combed his hair
Into an Afro and walked all the more

With a swagger to the beat, making for Eriador
Where he hoped to find some Hobbits to eat

Yet soon he had to rest his tired feet.
But some Rangers saw him sleeping

And into his unknown keeping
Placed the murder weapon

So in his dream he let some
Thief inside his chamber full of gold

And the thief stole a relic, dusty and old.
'Twas the diadem of King Bladorthin!

The thief was Bingo, a bad orphan
Bilbo refused to adopt for he'd found another

One who'd lost his father and mother
In a boating accident on the Brandywine

One who had a half-hobbit for a mother
And had half-round, half-pointy ears

:eek:

While they were looking for a place to dine
To celebrate their anniversary

Their deaths caused great misery
All throughout the Shire

But Bingo feared not even Dragon Fire
For he poked old Smaug in the eye

The dragon shouted loud, "Oh my!"
And he chased poor Bingo from his lair

And right into the cave of a great big bear
Who was on kissing cousin terms with old Beorn

The bear chased Bingo until the morn,
And then the bear headed back home

For he thought he heard the telephone
But didn’t recall that they did not exist.

But still he did persist
in searching for the phone high and low

and in so doing found a magical bow,
made from Elven hair and Troll shin

Feeling suddenly very mean,
He left and looked again for Bingo

But instead he only found Ringo
A singer who offered him a drink

shin rhymes with mean????
 

Which our bear took without a blink
and said, "Ringo, I know a hobbit named Bingo

"Mock-mock-a-mock" laughed the deranged Ringo
As the idea of Hobbits seemed foolish to him

He laughed out, "Are you dim?
Hobbits are fairy-tales, don't you know?"

Up walked Bingo, eyeing Ringo his foe.
He shook a leg, saying, "These are Hobbit feet!"

"And this is a hobbit belly filled with hobbit-cooked meat!"
He said, pointing to his stomach. "I'm a hobbit, you see!"

"Hogwash!" said Ringo, "They're Secondary realitee,
not primaree!" Bingo shook his head and said, "Nutters."

"Stupid 'hobbit'," Ringo mutters
And Bingo gave up and walked away

Wandering through Loren all day
'Till the Elves threw him in a river

And piranhas tried to eat his liver,
But Bingo swam safely to the other shore.

He thought until his brain was sore
how the evil Hookbill might be foiled :p

Evil, indeed. :(
 

"I'll put him in a pot to be boiled!"
He cried aloud to the nearby lion

But the lion started sadly cryin'.
He hated to think of somebody boiled.

Then Smaug woke up again to find his bed soiled,
really upset that these dreams gave him no peace

:p

So now he went to a lawyer to sign the lease
On his seemingly accursed hovel and Barrow

Meanwhile, not to harrow the readers, a brief intermezzo a go-go:
It wasn't raining rain you know,
but raining mayonnettes,
which is either a soupcon of spread for sandrinches or
a bloody awful impaling politeness.
So endeth the entr'acte.

Can we keep it to two lines, please.
 

But no one saw the ent's face
Laughing at the weeping lion

And the lion sniffed and stopped his cryin'
"Why are you laughing?" the lion wailed

But still the Ent, his arms he flailed
And then danced a very silly dance

To accompanying music of entish chants
And the lion sniffled and blew his nose