Unfortunately (for the war) , Barliman was Aragorn's friend, so when he found out, they stopped the attack

Fortunately, Bree is a complete hole anyway and the countryside would be impossible to march through (I've heard its even got blackberry bushes, yeowch!), so it all ended up good for Gondor.

Unfortunately, THE DRAGON CAME!

Fortunately, it came to the wrong place.

Unfortunately for the resident, the wrong
place seemed to be Bilbo's study, but
was in fact PJ's reconstructed Bag End.

Fortunately (maybe, not sure how much directing experience the dragon has), the dragon ate PJ and went on to direct "The Hobbit" himself.

Unfortunately he directed "The Hobbit" (namely Bilbo Baggins) to the Void

Fortunately, Smaug then went on to direct
"Cats-the Reunion Tour" before writing
the definitive biography:
Ancalagon the Black: The Superdragon no one
Knows.

Unfortunately, Ancalagon the Black actually turned out to be female (Despite what has been said) and sued Smaug for not being politically correct and not writing "superdrangoness"

Fortunately this prevented Smaug from directing the movie entitled "The Hobbit", which ended in a dramatic reconstruction of Bilbo being directed to the Void.

Unfortunately this meant that no-one would ever be able to direct the movie entitled "The Hobbit"

Fortunately, Saruman, working on a comeback as a
sharp Middle Earth uberlawyer (no umlauts available
here :mad: ) won Smaug's case against Ancalagon
(who, it turned out, was really a transvestite) and
Smaug then agreed to produce The Hobbit as part
of his HBO series Everything You Ever Wanted To
Know About Dragons But Were Afraid To Ask.

Unfortunately, he rewrote the script so that it was all about the poor old Dragon just trying to keep his treasure safe from Dwarves, Lakemen, and burglars, and ended with Bilbo getting burned to a crisp by Smaug.

Fortunately, eveyone liked it and it made Smaug rich again!

Unfortunately for Smaug, Saruman then
demanded his $600 an hour lawyer fee
(plus expenses to use the Minas Tirith
law library) which took 70 per cent of
Smaug's new treasure. :(

Fortunately (for Smaug) dragons tend to eat anyone dumb enough to mess with their treasure.

Unfortunately (for Smaug), Saruman was not just "anybody", he was a Maia with superpowers!

Fortunately, those superpowers only meant Super-Hearing and the ability to to blame other people.

Unfortunately, he blamed Smaug

Fortunately, Smaug's mother entered here, heard the conversation, and told him to go to his room, no "but"s.

Unfortunately he said "But"

Fortunately, Smaug's uncle, a peace
time consigliere, was able to "keep the peace"
between Smaug and his mum at a congenial dinner
at Louis' in the Bronx.

(They had the veal).

Unfortunately, A BALROG APPEARED!!!

Fortunately, the balrog was a skilled family
conflicts therapist.

Unfortunately, he died

Fortunately, Saruman used his voodoo to bring him back from the dead

Unfortunately, being dead had changed the Balrog and he could no longer family conflicts therapist.

Fortunately, it also meant that he lost his [nonexistent] wings.

Unfortunately, if he lost his non-existent wings, with that being double-negative, which then becomes a positive, therefore the Balrog currently has wings.

Fortunately, that is impossible, as Balrogs cannot sustain the weight of wings (not being built for such a purpose).

Unfortunately for Middle-Earth good guys, Saruman
whipped up some genetic engineering to allow
balrogs to have and use functional wings.

Fortunately (for the people of middle-earth-sorry balrog!) This meant that the balrog turned into an uruk with wings, and he lost his Maiaric capabilities.

Unfortunately, Saruman was able to make millions of Uruk's with wings.

Fortunately, they alll got eaten by the original one, who turned back into a Balrog.

Unfortunately, before they got eaten, the
winged uruks got Saruman to give functional
wings to Treebeard's turned evil buddies.

Unfortunately, this made them turn back into normal trees (with wings!!!).

Unfortunately, you've got my name! Just kidding...

Fortunately, these horribly disfigured trees were promptly cut down by Saruman's ruffians...

Unfortunately, Saruman's ruffians got so drunk in celebrating that they filled Bag End up with empty mugs, kebabs, sick and badgers. Frodo was not impressed.

Fortunately, Bombadil came by to cheer everyone up.

Unfortunately, Bombadil brought lots
of beer and wine and crashed at Bagend
due to a spat with his mother in law.