Unfortunately, they (some dwarves and a wizard)
were all well-fed and happy because they had just
crashed at Bilbo's, eaten all his food, and got him to
go off on an adventure to Aman to help Morgoth get
three really neat jewels he wanted.

Fortunately, Ulmo appeared and convinced him to come back

Unfortunately, Ulmo's appearance caused a gigantic tsunami to engulf the Shire.

Fortunately, none of the cool kids lived in the shire.

Unfortunately, the Nine happened to be in the Shire at that moment, and they were swept away.

Fortunately the Nine had seen PJ's movie and
used Legolas's surfboardish techniques to
ride the deluge back to Mordor.

unfortunately, the deluge took a right at isengard and ended up in Dol Amroth.

Fortunately, Dol Amroth was also the name of a lovely sweet-shop in the countryside, and thats where they ended up.

Unfortunately, the nazgul found out that the shop
was owned by Gandalf and featured only white
chocolates-not the nazguls favorite
REALLY DARK CHOCALATE!

Fortunately, Saruman's store was next to Gandalf's with all sorts of dark treats.

Unfortunately, the Nazgul ran over Gandalf while trying to get the chocolates.

Fortunately, they were very light, and Gandalf wasn't harmed at all.

Unfortunately, the steeds were not so light.

Fortunately, they were magic steeds that floated in the air instead of walking on the ground.

Unfortunately, Gandalf was too tall for the steads to clear his head safely.

Fortunately, there was a posistion open for a headless horseman.

Unfortunately, Gandalf could not take it anyway, as he did not qualify for the criteria (Headless horseman, not Headless Horsemaia)

Fortunately, the Valar decided to give him a new head.

Unfortunately, it was a balrog head

Fortunately, the Balrog head came with the ablity to spit fire (... and to eat ridiculously spicy hot sauces).

Unfortunately, confusion over his new identity caused him to throw himself into the Pit of Khazad-Dum.

Fortunately, that is where every Maia with a Balrog head fell, and they made a society and gandalf was at peace in his new home.

Unfortunately, a civil war soon broke out.

Fortunately, it was a very civil civil war.

Unfortunately, Gandalf was nit very civil about it.

Fortunately, Gandalf spontanaeously combusted.

...

... what? It was fortunate!

Unfortunately, the fire spread into the cake shop! :eek:

The obviouse one
 

Fortunately the cakes where fire-proved.

Unfortunately the owner wasn't (and neither were any of the other sweets)

Fortunately, There was a fire squad nearby to handle the matter.

Unfortunately they handled the matter in a very clumsy way and all ended up dying in a most gruesome way.

Fortunately, it was really funny.

Unfortunately, everyone for miles around died laughing

Fortunately, some Sackville-Baggins speculators
came by later and made a "killing" buying up the
now available properties and turning them into
a Walmart Superstore (well, not so fortunate for JRRT). :eek:

Unfortunately, there wasn't enough business to support the superstores and the Sackville-Bagginses became destitute.

Fortunately (well, not for the Sackville-Bagginses), this forced them to give out free goods.

Unfortunately (for the HAPA [Hobbits Against
Pipeweed Addiction] ) a Saruman subsidiary
took over the store and prospered selling
pipeweed and accessories to Easterlimgs and
Southrons since they assumed Aragorn's smoking
was the key to his military success.

Fortunately, the Easterlings and Southrons all died of lung cancer, eliminating the threat to Gondor.

Unfortunately, with no-one to fight, Gondor did not need all its warriors and lost a lot of its power and dignity (not to mention land).

Fortunately, Gondor still had enough power to
invade Bree using "Shock and Awe" tactics to
intimidate Bree's greatest warrior (Barliman Butterbur).