Gandalf: So?

Saruman: I am the halfling's leaf that has slowed your mind.

Gandalf: I am the wizard who beats you out of your being White.

Saruman: I am the moral high ground, which I now hold against you! :insert evil smiley:

Gandalf: I am the moral principle that Good triumphs over Evil!

Saruman: I am the moral relativist that makes a ridiculous claim about good and evil being all relative.

Gandalf: I am a grand piano that suddenly falls from above and squishes the moral relativist.

Saruman: I am the Flying boulder from nowhere that knocks the piano out of the way!

Gandalf: I am the Ent who catches the flying boulder and uses it to play catch with another Ent, and scares you out of your wits while I'm at it.

Saruman: I am Mount Doom who sneaks up behind the ents and erupts, thus setting them on fire.

Gandalf: I am the cloudburst that quenches the fire and rusts up Mount Doom/Zoom's wheels.

Saruman: I am the greasy carcases of the Ents the Mountain runs over that lubricates the wheels again.

Gandalf: I am Treebeard who attacks the Mountain because his friends were destroyed.

Saruman: I am the fireball that ignites Treebeard.

Gandalf: I am Ulmo, King of the Sea, who-

Ulmo: No you're not! I am!

Gandalf: ... erm... Who drenches the Mountain and Treebeard in the waters of the deep!

Saruman: I am Iluvatar who smotes you where you stand for pretending to be Ulmo.

Gandalf: I am the random Ainur that points out that you are a traitor to Illuvatar.

Saruman: I am the trap door that opens beneath the random Ainur, sending you to a deep cavern of... DOOM!

Gandalf: I am the original denizen of the Pit of DOOM who escapes in the fracas - Morgoth!

(Who's evil now, Whitey?)

Saruman: I am...uhhh....a very confused Maiar because Morgoth was supposed to be trapped in the Void.

Gandalf: I am the Valar who put Morgoth in the void were he belongs!

Saruman: I am the Drowning of Numenor that causes the Valar to temporarily give up their power.

Gandalf: I am the Valar after the Drowning... meaning I, er, we... um, they...? Anyway, the Power is back!

Saruman: I am the ominous capitalized Power!

Gandalf: I am the confused Maiar's twin brother who is also very confused because of the battaling Power.

Saruman: I am a powerful enough Maia (which I obviously am, er, was...before that pretentious Gandalf said "Accio Saruman's staff!" and broke it, and that silly Wormtongue stuck a blade in my throat) who strips the confused Maiar of their powers, because there is no place in the Ainur for the confused. :p

Ooh Lhuna, the barrage of attacks you're inviting with that.

Gandalf: I am the big, um, celestial rock that bonks that Maia on the head.

Saruman: I am the gravitational pull of the moon that nocks the rock off course.

Gandalf: I am the fact that altered course of the celestial rock did not stop it from bonking the Maia on the head. :p

Saruman: I am Tilion, driver of the chariot of the Moon, who steers in for a closer look, and whiplashes the orbiting rock into space.

Gandalf: I am the earth's gravity which attracts the now-too-close moon and causes it to crash into the earth.

Saruman: I am Arien, the steerer of the Sun, who pulls Tilion away from the earth to safety.

Gandalf: I am the giant space monster that devours Arien.

Saruman: I am the now driverless Sun that engulfs the space monster in flames.

Gandalf: I am the bewildered Maia because Saruman is fighting evil.

Saruman: I am the stampeding buffalo herd that tramples you to death.

Gandalf: I am the American Indians who stampede the buffalo off a cliff!

Saruman: I am the wings that allow the buffalo to fly!

(Come on, where did you think Buffalo Wings came from?) ;)

Gandalf: I'm the expert feather clipper which disabled the wings.

Saruman: I am the rust which causes the feather clipper's shears to fall apart.