But it is the best way the orcs for to tame...
The sight of nude wizards makes them compliant.

However it makes Elves and Dwarves defiant,
and two of each saw the wizards' shame

And so they both, instantly, became lame.
Their legs and arms almost fell off

But by shutting their eyes with a significant cough
The wizards realized their error and dressed in a rush.

Yet, all of a sudden, after an all mighty toilet flush
Gandalf appeared from the WC and began to snigger

At Saruman's pale, gangly figger,*
Trapped under a pile of shining white robes

*That'd be figure in a funny accent.

Gandalf laughed till he lost his ear lobes
As he rolled on the ground near to glass

He was approached by a pretty lass
Who picked up the lobes and handed them over...

He took them back and turned her into a plover;
She flew into the sky singing a twittering ditty

But she hit a chimney, sooty and gritty.
She fell and rolled down a red roof

In her fright blurting things most uncouth,
And landed >PLOP< in Radagast's hat

He panicked and thought the bird was a bat,
A vampire in fact, come to suck out his blood

Frightened he ran but slipped in the mud
And landed on his ars, the plover on his nose

So bad was the fall, Radagast was caught in death's throes!
The plover tried CPR but her lungs were too small!

In desperation she tried to make a bird call
But a telephone was nowhere to be found

*groans*

Her heart burst of panic and she fell to the ground!
Now there were two emergencies at hand

Even though, in those parts, magic was banned
Gandalf arrived and did some good works

But his deeds were marred by a few quirks -
Like Radagast's cloak turning purple

Radagast then began to merrily gurgle
And flap his hands in Gandalf's face

But he found to his disgrace
That they were no longer hands but wings!

Then Gandalf's mustache turned to strings!
And the plover came to, but turned into a bat

Which became incredibly fat!
Leaving the Wizard to weep

Until he fell into a dreamfull sleep
Filled with wingful balrogs and one eyed Saurons

Then came an army of, singing "Ka-pow!", blondes
Searching high and low for Legolas, elven prince

Who they so wanted to finely mince.
But too much violence is found abhorrent

And in response tears fell in a torrent
And weeping was heard throughout the land

But still many maidens wanted the hand
of Legolas the Minced in marriage sweet

But the kapowing maidens were not discreet,
And Thranduil's Queen had them all imprisoned

The slimey dungeon walls glistened
For they had not been cleaned since Thorin sat there

And the other prisoners were covered in hair
For they were all Dwarves of many houses

Who turned out to be cross old grouses
And blamed poor Leggy for their plight.

They begged him for a little light,
But Legolas the Minced refused

All the while Maglor and Dearon mused
Upon how this poem had gone so far

"947 lines! Close, but no cigar!
Beowulf's got 3182 lines."

And as they passed the Dwarven mines
They saw old Gandalf and began to run

after the slowpoke wizard who was inventing a pun.
Maglor and Daeron stopped him in midword-play

"What walks on four legs in morn, two during day,
And on three in the evening?" They asked the old man.

But he turned and hit them with a saucepan
That he had found on the Barrow Downs...

Assuming it belonged to one of the clowns,
But then found it belonged to Saucy

Who thought it incredibly naughty
To thieve from a sleeping Ghost