Unfortunately, as has been revealed before, those who fall into abysses and survive invariably develop an...exhibitionist streak...

Fortunately, they starved before they could develop this disturbing tendency.

Unfortunately, the abyss started to spread.

Fortunately, Bob the Troll sealed it with a great deal of cement.

Unfortuantely, then the sun came out from behind a cloud turning poor Bob into a giant garden ornament :eek:

Fortunately, he was standing in the Gaffer's garden at the time, and the Gaffer was quite pleased with the new piece of sculpture.

Unfortunately, it fell over and squished him.

Fortunately, tha Gaffer didn't die

Unfortunately had had an enormous headache for the rest of his life.

Fortunately, he did not have long to live.

Unfortunately, he noticed that even dead he still had a headache

Fortunately, wherever Hobbits go when they die has a great deal of aspirin handy.

Unfortunately, the reason for all that aspirin was that hobbits had to share their afterlife with Lobelia Sacksville-Baggins

Fortunately, she wasn't allowed to take her umbrella with her in afterlife ;)

Unfortunately, that just made her more prone to whine, causing the said headaches.

Fortunately, she reformed, making everyone happy in their afterlife.

Unfortunately this meant that the Hobbit afterlife economy, which was based on selling aspirin to dead Hobbits, could no longer support itself and all the Hobbit souls were cast into the Void after the Hobbit afterlife went bankrupt.

Fortunately, the void had to pay for the bankruptcy and had to sell property until it no longer existed anymore and everybody was back in Middle-Earth.

Unfortunately, this included Morgoth.

Fortunately Morgoth was unable to cause much commotion
since it was found he suffered from Lazy Legs Syndrome
and had to take many doses of HeadOn: apply directly to the head
HeadOn: apply directly to the head,
to ease the resultant headaches.

Unfortunately, the makers of said headache medicine went bust after the great Arda stock market crash caused by the knock on effect of the void declaring bankrupt, making Morgoth pretty peeved

Fortunately, Morgoth's headache got so bad that his head exploded.

Unfortunately, 3 more heads popped out magically

Fortunately, they were dog's heads: a poodle, a beagle, and a coonhound - with no more brains than dog's heads typically contain.

Unfortunately these dog's heads had an unholy craving for Elven flesh and Morgoth captured Fingolfin, Finrod and Turgon and the poodle one devoured Fingolfin, the beagle devoured Finrod and the coonhound devoured Turgon while Morgoth was stuck up to his waist in the Helcaraxe!

*cue picture of Dante's Inferno*

Fortunately, Morgoth froze to death.

Unfortunately Smaug thawed him out.

Fortunately, he was still dead.

Unfortunately, Smaug was still alive and went after Frodo.

Fortunately Smaug had a heart attack that hospitilized him

Unfortunately, it turned out it was just heart burn

Fortunately, having been turned in to a hospital, Smaug was rendered ineffective as an instrument of destruction (apart from the MRSA of course).

Unfortunately, he recovered.

Fortunately, because he was a NHS hospital, he was knocked down and turn into a super casino

Unfortunately no one ever won at the Smaug casino, so everyone stopped going and it shut down.

Fortunately, he had already acumilated enough money to buy Gondor.

Unfortunately, Smaug had bought Gondor so he could eat all of its citizens and steal their gold.

Fortunately, he got distracted by a hot air balloon that happened to be floating by and ate the gold instead.

Unfortunaely, the dragon threw up the gold on Minas Tirith, turning the city into a firey lake of molten gold

Fortunately, the city had driven out of the way earlier.