Gandalf: I am the friend who ends up drowning me because of his weight.

Saruman: I am the inflatable raft floating so conveniently in the troubled waters.

(So Saruman's a good guy now, is he?)

Gandalf: I am the pin that bursts the raft.

(I've noticed this too)

Saruman: I am the other rafts that the needle has already popped. Therefor, the needle is now dull.

(Hey, everyone has to have their turn, right?)

Gandalf: I am the barrage of needles fired from the needle gun that definitely punctures the raft.

Saruman: I am the last T-Rex in the world that crashes out of an unexplored swamp to crush the needle gun.

GANDALF: I am the Triceratops that gores the T. rex.

Saruman: I am the comet that kills all the triceratopses (and other dinosaurs)

GANDALF: I am the missile that blows up the comet.

Saruman: I am the comet that blows up the missile.

Gandalf: I am the missle that blows up the comet! :p

Saruman: I am the missile and the comet that mutually destroy each other, and you are caught between them. :p

Gandalf: I am the missile that destroys the comet and the comet that destroys the missile!

Saruman: I am the icy vacuum of space, which simultaneously freezes, depressurizes, and suffocates you.

Gandalf: I am my space-suit!

Saruman: I am the alien spaceship that smacks into you at Warp 9.

Gandalf: I am the comet that hits the spaceship!

Saruman: I am the explosion created by the impact that destroys you.

Gandalf: I am the distance between myself and the explosion.

Saruman: I am the lack of spacesuit, spaceship, and oxygen in that distance.

Gandalf: I am the random Time Vortex that opens up and sucks me in.

I am the music of the Ainur that conveniently creates order out of all this cosmic chaos.

Gandalf: I am the badly tuned instruments that distract the Ainur

Saruman: I am the electronic tuner that helps the Ainur tune their instruments.

Gandalf: I am the thief that steals the tuner.

Saruman: I am the breeze created by the raised eyebrow of Manwe, reminding you that except perhaps for Melkor, the Ainur have perfect pitch, and thus do not need tuners.

Gandalf: I am Eru reminding Manwe that he too is not exactly perfect, even if he was created in his image...

Saruman: I am the hosts of Middle-earth gasping in horror that Gandalf has deigned to speak on behalf of Eru.

Gandalf: I am the letter from which... erm... I am quoting Eru. Yeah... that'll do.

Saruman: I am the goat that eats the letter.

Gandalf: I am Yavanna who points the goat to a very tempting patch of sweet-smelling green grass, and so the goat minds its own business.

Saruman: I am the wolves who eat all the farmer's goats and put him out of business!

Gandalf: I am the villagers that lynch the wolves.

Saruman: I am the S.W.A.T team that arrests the villagers for violating the Endangered Species Act!

Gandalf: I am the Government taht overrules this action.

Saruman: I am the corruption that undermines the Government's decision.

Gandalf: I am the benevolent government official that actually does something right.

Saruman: I am the balrog who invites the benevolent government official over for tea during the critical decision making process.

Gandalf: I am the benevolent government official who sees through the plot and declines the Balrog's invitation.

Saruman: I am the enchanted doily placed under the tea-cup, by the breeze blown by the Balrog, from the SWAT team, riding the T-Rex, on the inflatable raft, inflated by the milkmaid, who is blinded by ignorance.